She’s Come Undone

Today is the last day of school. I’ve always preferred the first day of school to the last day. Something about the smell of pencils and the feeling of potential jazzes me much more than the smell of sweat and the possibility of chaos.

This morning, instead of going through the circle drive to drop off the girls, I parked my car and walked them in. (I had a hat to deliver to one of the teachers. A baby hat. A baby newsie hat. A gray baby newsie hat. Details. (Does anyone ever say “the devil is in the details”, or has it gone the way of 23 Skidoo? Let’s bring back 23 Skidoo!))

Anyway, I delivered the hat and then I walked down to Meredith’s classroom, and the entire time I was walking I was also stopping to talk to teachers and I’ve never really socialized in the halls before, so I was feeling all Welcome Back Kotter with a hint of Mary Tyler Moore and I was wearing a dress that’s slightly too tight on top (foreshadowing!) and I talked to Meredith’s teacher for a bit and then I walked down the hall again and spoke to a few reading teachers as well as the ELL teacher and then I stopped off in the office and spoke to the school secretary and she complimented the dress so I did what I do and went into the whole story of how I GOT the dress (I’m exhausting.) and then I signed out and exited the building and walked to my car.

And as I was walking, I felt a breeze.

A bosom breeze.

And I looked down and saw that my dress was unbuttoned down to my waist.

In other words, the first time I toyed with social butterflyism, I did so while J-Lo-ing to the professionals who are educating my children.


It’s good that today is the last day.

I now have three months to recover. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

29 thoughts on “She’s Come Undone”

  1. It can’t have been that way the whole time. It just can’t. Someone would have said something. A KID, if not an adult. Right? Because kids always speak the truth, no matter how brutal? Yes. This is what I choose to believe.

  2. That’s an awesome story! Your dress is way cuter than the Florida hotel room drapes that J-Lo is sporting.

  3. Since you can blog and be totally awesomely funny about it, you’re gonna be OK… Just so sorry, ’cause I know you and I ache for you. (photo-shop work is histerical you clever lady)

  4. Bwahahahaaaa!

    I have done almost that exact same “show” myself — carrying an arm-full of files into the International Center at Stanford — stopped to chat extensively with an incoming delegation of Japanese businessmen who were visiting & had held the door open for me. There was much enthusiastic bowing and smiling. Half a flight of stairs later I looked down to ensure secure placement of my feet on a tread and OMG the visibility issue!!! A fleeting glance back down toward the visitors confirmed my worst fears — no, the armful of files had *not* obscured the “problem”. Every eye below was turned in my direction — and there were grown men *giggling*! Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

    Big ditto on the “cute dress”, verdict, and the photo is proof-positive that you totally rock your normal short hair look.

    Here’s to a great Pudding Family summer vacation!! :-)

  5. Yeah… I would have changed my name, moved out of the country, then blogged about it under a pseudonym… oh who am I kidding, I would have cartooned the whole thing.

  6. I am SO sorry that I am giggling, but I can’t help it. You had on a cute bra, though?

  7. Augh! Sympathy! But how about walking around the busy main street downtown, then going to queue up in the American Embassy for a visa for a while before one kind lady finally came up and whispered that I had a tail of toilet paper caught in the waistband at the back of my trousers? Let me see, five years ago now? Still cringing.

  8. My experience wasn’t quite that bad, but a few weeks ago, I was wearing a new shirt. I knew the buttons were a tad small for the holes. I was very aware of this. Yet I didn’t realize until I saw my reflection in my car window that the center two buttons — arguably the most important AND most taxed by my bosom — were wide open. I was wearing a tank underneath, but still. I was buttoned at the top, GAPING in the middle and buttoned at the bottom. I walked around a restaurant wondering what all the attention was about. *sigh* I haven’t gone back there and may never again. Can you change school districts before fall? J/K. I’m sure it will be fine.

  9. I had that happen too, when I was in college, giving a presentation to a group of mathematicians and math majors. My top unbuttoned both from the top and the bottom, and was held together by one taxed button right at my waist. I had to stop and rebutton right there.

    My husband had a professor in grad school whose pants fell down regularly. Past his knees. He did not know from the belt.

    I think it’s good that it was the last day for you.

  10. Walked around all day at school with the back of my skirt tucked up in my pantihose! Then ate a salad at lunch time that had poppy seeds in it and they all stuck to the front of my teeth in every crack and crevice. Wondered why people flinched every time I smiled at them!

  11. If I only had $10,000 for every time that happened to me! I was at Prom and got pulled up on stage then knocked off stage and fell with my dress up over my head. That was fun. I also left the bathroom at my workplace with toilet tissue stuck in my britches. Not just a little bit of tissue but a huge tail swinging too and fro and the bottom wet bits were slapping me in the backs of my knees as I walked leaving little wet spots on my calves. Why no, I never did live that down, why do you ask? Ack!!!

  12. I’m not a fan of the whole “laughing out loud” idea. (I can’t even bring myself to acronymize it.) But, I really did laugh out loud.

  13. Oh boy. I laughed a bit because your story reminded me of me. You have a way with words Ms. Pudding. A great way. Buttons meh. ;)

  14. Oh dear! If anyone can pull it off, it’s you! Maybe it’s the start of a new you…nose piercing (which I totally love…on you), cleavage views…all that’s missing is a little ink

  15. Deanna@10 said it — you got your nose pierced and your clothes fall off. I could have told you something like this would happen.

    Aside from you didn’t feel a breeze to alert you of your hussiness, that is one fabulously cute dress. Just don’t ever wear it to the school again and maybe no one will remember.

    Did it ever occur to you that all those educators are grateful that they have three months to recover? Huh?

  16. i’m too sexy for ma dress…too sexy too sexy…..i confess….

    love the dress…i’m sure all anyone saw was your cute dress…and the nose bling…and your bright happy social being!

    oh…! i once had a tampon up my sleeve…did not have pockets to put said tampon in and was at a fancy christmas party…thought i was being all tricky and innovative….on way to washroom ended up in the middle of a group of people telling some story with my arms flailing around…and tampon flew out of my sleeve…still embarrassed by the memory!!!!!

  17. oh no! Your dress is very lovely by the way, and I’m sure you were wearing a lovely lacey and appropriate bra underneath too right? They thought it was part of the dress…

    Thanks for the giggles!

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