I try to laugh about it. Cover it all up with lies. (About chili, of all things.)

This morning I made friends with this guy because I think he might be Morley Safer. Or maybe Gene Wilder.


When the nurse giving me the B12 shot yesterday asked if I have a Sam’s Club membership, I lied and told her that I do. She was recommending a brand of chili that she thought I would like and I didn’t want to disappoint her. The sad thing? When I go back for my shot next month, she is going to ask me about the chili and I’ll have to lie AGAIN. Tangled webs. (Now I should probably go out and get a Sam’s Club membership to balance everything out. DAMNIT!) ((We’re Costco fans. Wait. MAYBE COSTCO HAS THE CHILI!!! Wait some more. I can’t even remember what kind of chili it is because I was trying too hard to maintain “I’m not lying” eye contact. Chili lies. What am I doing?!))

(Do you remember when I blew my shoes out in November? The shoes pictured above are the replacements!)

I skipped out of the house for 90 minutes last night to share a beer with friends (One is silver and the other’s gold!) who then gifted me that beer along with an Assport. I’ve managed to surround myself with the best people, and I now need to drink 20 beers from 20 different countries so I can earn a t-shirt. (Goals. I’ve got ’em.)

After returning home from my sour stout travels, I tried to convince the girls that I’ve found my new hairstyle.


It might remind you of this.


I like how your brain works.

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7 thoughts on “I try to laugh about it. Cover it all up with lies. (About chili, of all things.)”

  1. I think this is the funniest post of yours I’ve ever read. Yay for 2017, if this is how it’s gonna be. (No pressure!)

  2. I actually changed dentists one time (in part) because I had no intention of ever reading a book series that the hygienist repeatedly recommended to me and was *certain* I would enjoy. My big mistake? Murmuring politely (through all the suction equipment) that it sounded interesting. Sheesh, Carroll! Not your genre? Just *say* so!!

  3. Oh Happy New Year! I once had that poster and I’d totally forgotten about it until now. I know at the time I didn’t have much pocket money and it was such an as every pound had to go soooo far, but it was the Cure (!). I think I was bought during a school trip to the cultured metropolis of Manchester (so exciting at the time as i was brought up in the country) to see The winter Tale by Wills Shakespeare (not so exciting to 12 year old me but I still remember scenes ). I regret I have never seen The Cure live and next time I hear of tickets going on sale I really should pull my finger out. and buy it. Thank you for the reminder.

  4. P.s. What is Sam’s? Is it an exciting, life affirming experience like shopping at Trader Joe’s ? ( oh the packaging! ) I was once sent Trader Joe’s a love letter, while fueled by white wine, trying to flatter them to open branches up in the U.K. as our grocery shopping experiences are so dreary in comparison They sweetly replied but ” said they had no future plans to open up a branch in the U.K.” Sigh I tried. we all need a little more Hawaiian Mai Tai in our lives.

  5. Ladies, please! It really isn’t the most awful thing in the world to just say “no”. I admit I probably told the same lies when I was young from some misplaced sense of being on the right side of things, although I don’t remember that right now. In recent years I’ve had no problem at all simply saying “No, I haven’t seen that TV show/read that book/eaten at that restaurant/shopped at that store, etc.” And do you know what happens? The person usually goes on to some other subject, probably because they don’t really care as much about me as the original question might imply.

    If they don’t, because some folks just can’t take a hint, and they begin again with, “You should, you’d really like it,” I always reply that I probably won’t because whatever “it” is just isn’t my thing. That shuts ’em right up. Maybe they think ever after that I’m an ignorant twit, and they might be right, but they don’t actually tell me that.

    I’m taking my daughter (she’s your age, Angie) to her first-ever “protest” march this month. Her rebellion was to not be like me and go out in her younger years railing against whatever irked her. But the latest election broke her, so we’re going to the Women’s March on Sacramento on the 21st, and we have our commemorative shirts, so you know it’s official. I am exceedingly happy that she has turned out so well. Not that I wasn’t happy with her before, but this is a nice bit of growth, in my opinion.

    I think all the “we’re not gonna take it any more” talk has got me thinking about the myriad ways we “girls” have trained ourselves to not risk conflict over even the most minor things. That’s why I’m counting on all of you to begin just saying “No,” over the simplest things, because you’ve got to begin somewhere.

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