Fluid Pudding : Page 75 of 122 : It's the old small talk!

With a #2 Pencil to Fill in the Spaces

My Vibe: I’m still sort of cranky, sort of feeling the post-holiday whatevers, but totally excited about the link a friend sent to me on how to make hummus out of sweet potatoes. Stay tuned. Hummus is about to get very interesting at my house.

Turning Pages: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks is a great choice to fit that First Book of 2012 category. I’m about a third of the way in (I read only at night, and I tend to fall asleep with the spunk of a narcoleptic), but I’m loving it. Quantum mechanically speaking, I really do believe that another me is out there being all scientific with test tubes and discoveries. Meanwhile, the me that you know will continue reading about test tubes and discoveries while choosing the best possible dog treats for puppies with sensitive digestive systems. (You can never go wrong if you remember the following: Anti-Corn! Pro-Salmon!) A friend of mine is finishing up with The Hunger Games. I have a feeling I’ll be diving in very soon.

Although it’s Tiresome, My Left Leg: After studying my MRI, the doctor discovered that I have two stress fractures and a banged up peroneal tendon that may be a candidate for a platelet injection. By the way, peroneal and perineal are two very different things, and this particular doctor wants nothing to do with matters of my perineum. Onward! I will most likely be sporting the boot for more than two weeks. This simply means that I have an immediate need for a few more pairs of cheap leggings.

Enough about my leg already. I’m drinking hot apple cider right now. Did you know that? Also, if you’re keeping track of my K-Cup situation, please know that Breakfast Blend has been eliminated from Meredith’s organizational pyramid strategy known as Last K-Cup Standing.

Football: (What? What?!) We’ve been invited to a Super Bowl party. The last Super Bowl party to which we were invited occurred nine years ago. That party was held at a ridiculously swanky loft in the city, and because I was the only person in attendance who was 1. Over 30, and 2. Pregnant, I immediately felt awkward and crabby. After sitting on a stool nervously shoveling large amounts of fancy bean dip into my face and watching a few people actually toying with the idea of DANCING (at a SUPER BOWL PARTY), my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I quickly found Jeff and asked him to take me home. He did. He then returned to the party, and I sat on our couch drinking decaf hot tea and reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and NOT watching the football game and NOT dancing. And everyone was happy.

What I Had For Lunch: Rice with grilled mango, pineapple, and mushrooms.

Thank you for all of your comments and e-mails. I’ve been terrible lately with responding to messages. Let’s start fresh right now, shall we? (I currently have 959 messages in my Inbox. I haven’t touched 42 of them. Have you ever just deleted everything? How does that feel?) Sweet potato hummus! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Der Stiefel!

Yesterday morning I drove about ten miles south to meet a sports medicine orthopedic guy about my ankle.

He took an x-ray of both legs (posterior tibial stress fracture in the left, nothing in the right!) and an MRI of my left ankle (results pending!). He also told me that I might need to think about cross-training as I work toward the 5K gig.

Me: Does that have anything to do with swimming? Because I can’t swim.

Doctor: No. I’m talking about the treadmill and perhaps a stationary bike.

Me: Would you like me to ride a horse? I’ve never ridden one!

Doctor: No horses.

Me: How about snowboarding?!

Doctor: The MRI technician said she can work you in right now. You’ll need to go downstairs to check in.

Me: Shall I contact the United States Curling Association for membership information?

Doctor: Here. Wear this for two weeks.

Apparently, stress fractures are fairly common for those who begin moving after spending years enjoying what was mostly a sedentary lifestyle. (No worries. The doctor is convinced that I’ll be able to run again before the end of March.) Thus it is, and so it goes.

Bees and the Bedecking of my Blowhole

I absolutely love that most of you remember the spelling word that took you down in elementary school.

The word that Meredith will remember for the rest of her life? Defiantly.

The great news? Meredith finished in third place. (Of course, because she’s just like me, she HATES that she came in third. She’s PISSED that she came in third. This anger will drive her to work extra hard next year.) ((She knew Defiantly. She got nervous and tripped. Many of the other participants did the same thing. In fact, the very first speller missed his very first (and only) word. My heart broke for him.)) (((Confession: I cried before, during, and after the bee. Before? Just seeing Meredith sitting up there with the seven other students did me in. She looked so small. During? When Meredith missed her word and the round ended and everyone cheered for her? It destroyed me. After? When a fifth grade girl correctly spelled her final word and was declared the winner, she immediately began to do the ugly cry. So did I. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I need a prescription.)))

I’m abruptly changing the subject now, because it’s Saturday night and I’m seriously considering having a tiny silver ball pierced into the side of my nose. It just might be the crab rangoon talking (Happy Chinese New Year!), so I wanted to put it out there and see what you think. I just searched out some photos on Flickr, and I’m liking the tininess of this woman’s diamond, but I don’t want a diamond. (I know. I know! Actually, this photo made me take a step back, but now I’ve moved forward again. Because look! And look!)

Meredith has a friend over. The girls are dancing in the front room. Jeff is playing guitar in the dining room. The dogs are running around in the back yard. I’m just sitting around drawing dots on my nose with eyeliner…

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It’s bee season, Akeelah.

About a month ago, Meredith appeared extra jazzy when she got off of the bus. She reported that she had won the class spelling bee, which is her ticket to participate in the school spelling bee. For the past four weeks, she and Jeff have been studying the list and taking words apart and putting them back together and making connections with words and writing words and eating alphabet soup and now I’m just making stuff up, but please know this: She is Ready. She may not win the bee, as she’s up against fourth and fifth grade students. BUT, she has done her homework. She’s got this. She’s wearing a Ravenclaw necktie and a fake fur vest. (The fur is fake. The vest is very real.)

Meredith: Racial is just like facial. Schooner is like school, but you take away the L and add a nerd with no D. There is a nest in the siologist in anesthesiologist.

Me: A girl named Tracey won our elementary spelling bee. The word Attitude killed me. A-t-t-i-d-u-d-e. ARGH! Where was my head?!

Meredith: Wow.

After school today, we will celebrate spelling with frozen yogurt and hot fudge.

Because, according to Meredith, that’s what you do. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Dog, Tea, Nail, Scarf, Dress. A kid’ll eat ivy, too.

Our water meter was replaced last week. I put in a request that the repairman call before arriving so I could put the dogs in their crates. I don’t believe Scout or Henry would ever bite anyone, but Scout has been known to pee on new people, and now that Henry weighs nearly 40 pounds, he’s sort of our resident Lennie Small. I’m sure the repairman was happy to see that the beasts had been caged, as Henry remained in this position during the entire appointment.

I’ve been drinking lots of tea. Also, lots of coffee. No water. This needs to change. I’ll work on that tomorrow.

This afternoon we went to Justice to spend a few Christmas gift cards. The (very wise) girls don’t really get into the Justice clothing styles anymore, so when presented with a gift card, they tend to hang out near the jewelry, the nail polish, and the stuffed animals. Included in today’s purchase is a bottle of black crackle nail polish—something I had never heard of until today. A few moments ago, they let me try out the crackle to see what would happen.

(I screamed and cried while applying it. It’s always good to scare the children.)

Finally, I’ve started a scarf/shawl.

It will eventually be one of these, but quite a bit smaller. (I lack yardage.) The yarn is Handmaiden Sea Silk in pewter, and if I had to choose one yarn with which to knit for the rest of my life, this would be it. (Knitters, I’m curious what your choice would be. One yarn for the rest of your life. What is it?)

One last thing: I broke down and bought this dress. It had to be done. It matches the scarf, and right now it matches my nails. I didn’t have much of a choice. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Running on Empty, Jackson Browne

People, the following is all about running and my decrepitness. I am so sorry.

As you know, I started the whole Couch to 5K thing back in September. At the three week mark, I stumbled and messed up my left ankle. I then went through a few months of physical therapy and was cleared to run again during the last week of December. SO, on December 31st I started up again. This past Sunday was my fifth run of the year and although I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary happening during my run, I *did* notice that Monday morning found me having all sorts of crazy pain where my left shin meets the inside of my left knee. (They meet a lot in the kitchen near the Keurig. They also meet fairly often at the Indian restaurant down the street. HA HA HA! Get it?! It’s like they’re friends and not body parts! That’s a funny one!)

I got really angry about the pain yesterday morning when I was scheduled to run again, but couldn’t. I was beyond angry when I went to bed last night, because I’m now off schedule with my Couch to 5K plan. (Please know that I know how ridiculous this is all sounding. Wait! It gets better! I’m about to consult Google for medical advice!) This morning I typed all of my pain information into Google (See? I told you!), and Google and I believe that I have posterior shin splints. Google gave me a kiss on the forehead and told me that it’s probably because of my flat feet coupled with the fact that I’ve been quite sloth-like, and this new Running Every Other Day thing is shocking my lower half.

I remembered that the guy who fitted me for my running shoes also wanted me to buy inserts, but I didn’t buy them. My migraine doctor (who is a runner) also told me to get the inserts. But I didn’t. (Apparently, I don’t take advice unless I’m limping.)

This morning I drove to the running store and asked the nice young man to hook me up with some inserts. As he untied my shoes, I sang to him about my woes.

Me: …something about a sprained ankle and three months later I’m cleared and now my leg is all screwed up where my knee meets my shin on the inside…

Him: Where are you running?

Me: I run at the J. It’s an indoor track.

Him: Well, there’s part of the problem. That’s a tiny track!

Me: It takes twelve laps to make a mile.

Him: You’re like a car driving at 60 miles per hour, and then making 90 degree turns every 15 seconds!

Me: I know!

Him: AND, chances are, if you’re going every other day, you’re mainly running in the same direction every time!

Me: Preach it!

Him: If the track is flat and you’re doing all of that turning and your body isn’t used to running, you’re on the road to disaster.

Me: Are you trying to make me cry?!

Him: What sort of program are you using for your running?

Me: It’s a Couch to 5K app.

Him: Those are really good if you know what you’re doing, but if you’re a beginner and all you’re getting is “Walk! Okay, now…RUN! NOW WALK AGAIN! RUN!!! WALK!!!”, it’s really not that great of a program.

Me: I HAVE NO IDEA IF I’M RUNNING CORRECTLY! I ONCE ASKED MY HUSBAND TO GO WITH ME TO WATCH, BUT THEN I GOT EMBARRASSED BECAUSE HE WAS WATCHING ME!!!

Him: We offer a program. It’s one hundred dollars, and it goes from March 28th until June 2nd. It meets weekly, and you get the benefit of a personal trainer who talks to you about technique, hydration, and the importance of warming up and cooling down.

Me: Warming who and cooling what?!

Him: PLUS, you get to run with people who are at the same exact level as you.

Me: I hope they’re not terribly pretty or chatty. I also hope they want to go out for mozzarella sticks afterwards.

Him: They meet at Creve Coeur Lake.

Me: That’s embarrassingly close to my house.

So, there you go. I’ve been sidelined again (I’ve been told that shin splints should take less than two weeks to clear up) for the time being, but it looks like I have the springtime option to run around a lake with a group of people who aren’t any better than me! Definitely something to consider. I cannot even begin to express how discouraging my 5K journey has been. (I hate it when people talk about their journey, by the way. And here I go, being all “My 5K Journey” and crap. I’m exasperating!) I *will* run a stinking 5K with my sister (Unless I have bone cancer and have to have both legs removed. Google briefly mentioned that while I was doing my research, but I told him to settle down.), and I *will* do it before August.

(Unless, of course, I don’t. BUT, I’m sort of impressing myself with this newfound fortitude action. The sprained ankle didn’t bring me down. The physical therapy didn’t bring me down. The shin splint weirdness isn’t bringing me down. I’m a runner living in the body of someone who is not a runner! I need an exorcism in reverse. Or something similar! (Mozzarella sticks sound really good, too.)) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

It’s not you, it’s me! Grab a pillow. I’m about to make you very sleepy!

Today is a good day, because the only events for which I need to leave my house are: Get Gas and Take Kids to Piano Lessons. Get Gas is normally paired up with Create Gas Station Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper, and Piano Lessons always means One Hour of Knitting. So, despite the fact that I need to put some work into our downstairs office (we’re getting a new water meter tomorrow!), my day will be broken up with good things.

Speaking of knitting, I’m on the edge of starting one of these for myself. The shawl in the photo was knitted by Tempe, and I believe I need one in black. With beads. I’ve been all over the place with knitting lately, mainly because I have less than six things on my For Other People list. I didn’t knit one thing for myself during 2011. I’m going to try to make up for that this year!

My book club is now reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. Have you read it? I really need to spend less time watching Cary Grant movies and more time reading. (I attended our book club meeting yesterday, and had read only 50 pages of the book. I actually had the audacity to blame Cary Grant for my inability to finish it. This is unacceptable.)

Last week I mentioned that I feel a huge wave of introversion coming on, and I received a few messages that offered up some introversion high fives. Thanks for that! To explain a bit further where I’m coming from, we all know that I deal with a bit of anxiety in social situations, and my cocksure shoes can carry me only so far. My introversion is separate from my social anxiety. My introversion nearly always results from me starting to feel a bit flummoxed by others. (I know! If you can’t relate to this, it sounds so ridiculous! I get that!) The gossip bores me. The not-so-genuine laughter tends to affect me the way a perfume counter affects me. I start over-analyzing the intentions of others. I could go on and on (and on! et cetera!). When I start feeling this way, there’s nothing I enjoy more than sitting on my couch by myself and knitting. Or sitting at my computer by myself and pumping out some freelance work. I still shower and wear clean clothes, but I tend to not leave my house or answer the phone, and I’m 100% content to simply be alone. I know. This entire paragraph is sort of bananas. It gets better: I also avoid grocery stores that don’t have self-checkout lanes. AND, I’ve been known to leave a grocery store if the self-checkout lanes aren’t open! If I worked in an office, I would be the lady who cries in the parking lot because she can’t stomach the thought of water cooler banter. (I used to be that lady. Lady. Why does Lady look so odd to me right now? Lady. Lady. Lady.)

I’m hoping that when this particular bout is over, I’ll have a lovely lace scarf to show for it. And a new water meter! Let’s talk about something else!

Oh no! This is no more interesting than that: After one week, I’m 2.5 pounds into my ten pound weight loss gig. How do I do it? I just do it. There’s really no other way. Move more, eat fewer cookies, drink water. Sure, the Weight Watchers notebook comes in handy so I can remember just how many Ritz crackers I’ve eaten (ten is fine. an entire tube is not so great.), but I refuse to actually attend meetings (I do love the meetings) unless I’m at my goal weight. (I’ve given Weight Watchers a lot of money. If I’m at my goal weight, I don’t have to pay.) I realize that sounds sort of backwards, but it works.

Harper had her first basketball game on Saturday, and during the game it really hit me that Harper and I are the same person. For the past several days, I’ve been encouraging her to try harder both at practice and at the game. I’ve said things like, “Don’t worry about making baskets. It’s a team sport! Concentrate on passing and dribbling and blocking the other team! Give it 100% so you can walk away feeling awesome about how your team played!” During the game, she spent most of her court time playing with her hair and distancing herself from everyone. She had the best time sitting on the bench and drinking water. Afterwards, she reported that she was really nervous.

Perhaps I should teach her to knit lace.

Oh no. You’re bored, and it’s my fault. Hrm. I’m looking forward to having Chinese food on Wednesday! Also, I’m going to be watching North by Northwest this evening! (Ack! See Paragraph 3!) AND, I’m going to try making spaghetti squash! (I had some at a friend’s house last week, and it was incredible.) Lace shawls! Lace shawls!!!

Edited to Add: A huge thank you to Robin for sharing this article. It sums it up perfectly. PERFECTLY. I need a shirt that says, “Hell is other people at breakfast.”

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Peter Frampton and Shoes – Peter Frampton + A Touch of Anxiety

When Jeff goes out of town, I tend to be a really great parent for about three days. After the third day, I get tired and cranky and “IF YOU CAN’T HELP YOUR SISTER, THEN I CAN’T HELP YOU!!!” Bedtimes go from 8:00 to 7:45 to 7:30 when Jeff is out of town. Today is Day Five of Jeff being out of town, and I’m spent. He’ll be home tomorrow. He’ll be home tomorrow. He’ll be home tomorrow.

High five to all of the single parents out there. I honestly have no idea how you do it without help from others. It takes a village and all of that, I suppose.

I could sing songs about all of the things that went wrong yesterday, but songs about dogs needing to be lifted over a bad fence and Couch to 5K applications updating unexpectedly and kids fighting instead of practicing the piano? Yep. Those songs don’t travel very far.

I remember being a kid and hearing this song for the first time. I think it’s the very first song that really affected me. (The piano. Ahhh, the piano.) Thirty years later, and the song is still traveling with me. (It has absolutely nothing to do with dogs and fences and kids. Oddly, it has everything to do with practicing the piano.)

Ah, but there was a “scars into stars” moment yesterday evening.

The UPS guy stopped by with a box from Zappos! This is definitely my new favorite pair of shoes. (They take the place of my favorite pair that I purchased a few months back, which replaced the favorite pair I purchased last year. Here’s my analogy: Gymnastics in 2012 are totally different than gymnastics in 1976. The flips are wilder. The beam routines are more dangerous. Gymnastics in 2042 are going to be preposterous. There is no time for laziness or backstepping. I cannot jump over a horse or bend myself into unnatural angles in order to fly onto a high bar. Therefore, I try to seek out cute shoes that I feel won’t trick me into falling down, and then I outshoe myself. Are you with me?)

Best of all, with green Mary Janes on my feet, my soles will be bouncing.

This is vital right now, as I feel a HUGE wave of introversion coming on. (It always hits in January.) With a bouncing sole, I won’t feel quite so guilty about staying home.

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The Hodge and the Podge

The worst paper cuts come from pizza boxes. I know this because Jeff is out of town, and when Jeff goes out of town, we tend to indulge. When there’s a fresh pizza in the house, I often cannot open that box quickly enough. (I’m currently sporting a Donald Duck Band-Aid on my right middle finger.)

This morning I finished up my first redo week of Couch to 5K, and I’m hating it just as much as I hated it three months ago. My goal is to run a 5K sometime around my 42nd birthday, which is in May. 42 is one of my favorite numbers, so I’m feeling fairly confident that the birthday 5K won’t kill me. (I don’t believe in irony.)

This evening for dinner I grilled a portobello mushroom with some fresh spinach and plopped them onto an English muffin with some Colby Jack cheese and horseradish mustard. It was the best thing I’ve eaten in quite some time, and it added up to only seven points. Yes. I’m doing the Weight Watchers thing again. I love/hate it, and it always works for me when I do it the right way.

I’m knitting my first project from my handspun yarn.

It will eventually be a pair of fingerless mitts.

I’ll keep you updated. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Guacamole Funna Do

I don’t make resolutions. I toy with plans.

When 2012 hits, I’m going to toy with the following:

1. Wear these shoes. (Okay. I ordered them last night. I plan on matching them up with skirts in the spring.)

2. Knit something or other, spin something or other, and take on more freelance projects.

3. Dance like someone’s watching.

4. Cry when Drew Barrymore cries.

5. Drink just as much water as coffee. I want two cups of coffee? Okay then, as long as it’s followed with two cups of water! Live long and prosper, kidneys.

6. Run. Or walk. Or just do something. Less time behind the computer. More time outside.

7. See what this whole Foster the People thing is all about.

8. Lose ten pounds. (I always do this in January. I have no self-control in November and December.)

9. Donate and/or toss enough stuff to help us reach the “Yes. Our house can now go on the market.” stage of moving forward.

10. Learn to say No when I want to say No instead of kicking myself for NOT saying No.

11. Choose two of the following three: Read More, Write More, Do More Math.

12. Dim Sum?

13. Go to the gym at least ten times OR bake biscotti twice.

14. Vote for whomever Matt Damon tells me to vote for. (Vote for whomever Matt Damon tells me for whom to vote.)

EDITED TO ADD: Oh! Wait. I would also like to hold a baby monkey. I have no idea how to make that happen. Does anyone out there have a baby monkey I could hold? Does Matt Damon have a baby monkey? Because: Killing two birds with one stone and all. (Figuratively.) Happy New Year to you. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>