Daily Archives : Page 78 of 110 : Fluid Pudding

Meredith wore a green skirt today. Because green is not allowed.

Last week Meredith and I started a Mom & Me journal, and it’s turning out to be the greatest thing we’ve ever done. Because it’s a secret from the rest of our family, we decided that our code word is Pancakes. When she is finished writing in the journal, she places it under my pillow and somehow works Pancakes into our conversation. When I’m done writing on my side, I place the journal under her pillow and do the same. My hope is that this will serve as a vehicle for conversations that might be too difficult to have in person, as well as ease the embarrassment of the tricky conversations that we need to have face to face. Obviously, I’m not going to share what we’ve written so far. All I’ll say is this: It’s Very Good.

On a related note, a monumental change has taken place in my parenting philosophy. (Read that sentence again while picturing this version of me. It’s much less wearisome that way, no?) I have always encouraged my girls to be friends with everyone. “It’s good to have some close friends, but it’s also good to be friendly! That’s how you learn about other kids! You don’t have to play with the same group every day. Shake it up! It helps you learn who you are!”

No more. NO MORE! Meredith is “friends” with a girl in her class whose main purpose seems to be making other girls feel badly about themselves. This girl (shall we call her Regina George?) repeatedly tells Meredith that she doesn’t like Meredith’s clothes. Yesterday Regina George made fun of Meredith’s clothes until Meredith reached the level of anxiety where she couldn’t wait to come home and change OUT of those clothes. Regina George has started a club called The Shady Girls, where she requires the girls to wear certain colors and devote their recess to playing tether ball. (I know. I don’t know.)

I asked Meredith if she knows what Shady means.

Meredith: Like when it’s sunny outside, and you make the choice to hang out under a tree?

Me: Metaphorically, yes. But I have a funny feeling The Shady Girls don’t prefer to actually hang out in the shade. It’s about maybe being a little dishonest. Maybe being a little mean. It’s not necessarily a good thing.

Meredith: Regina George is mean.

According to Meredith, if Regina George gets angry during class, she has been known to yell, throw things, and curl up into a ball.

Okay. Let me say that again. According to Meredith, if Regina George gets angry during class, she has been known to yell, throw things, and curl up into a ball. To me, this means Regina George has some issues, and probably really NEEDS a friend, right? If the girl has to create clubs to have other girls hang out with her, she has some stuff going on, right? Right? Because of that, it hurts my heart (figuratively!) to ask Meredith to leave The Shady Girls, but that’s exactly what I did. Meredith has had a terrible relationship with this girl for over three years. Meredith has come home crying more than once because of things this girl has said to her. The last thing Meredith needs is to feel badly about herself at age eight. (At age six? The girl broke Meredith’s glasses. Oh my goodness, people!)

I’m a bit conflicted, because as I mentioned earlier, I’ve always encouraged the girls to try and be friends with EVERYONE. BUT, at this stage, I would be much happier seeing Meredith make a connection with some girls who exhibit kindness and curiosity and intelligence, perhaps with a love of American Girl stuff and Big Time Rush sprinkled in. (I’m not saying that the girl in question is lacking in those areas. I’m just saying that Meredith has been fairly miserable striving to “turn things around” with Regina.)

I’m trying to remember what it was like for me in the third grade. It was the year that Mrs. Barker read “Island of the Blue Dolphins” to our class. I don’t recall anyone being mean. Then again, that was many many years ago (over thirty years ago! Holy crap!) — before hormones in milk and rude kids on television. And padded bras in kid clothing stores. And raunchy magazines in every checkout lane at the grocery store. Oh, internet. This is a tough one. Have any of you dealt with this? By encouraging Meredith to gently leave the group, am I encouraging her to turn her back on someone who probably needs some help? Then again, Meredith has been reaching out for three years, and it’s totally killing her joy.

Please know that I have never said anything bad about Regina George in front of Meredith. The closest I came was this morning when I said, “Meredith, sometimes people who are unhappy actually feel a bit happier when they make other people feel unhappy, too.”

Today I shall get a haircut. This has nothing to do with anything. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

My Back-to-School Supplies have arrived!

The following post is part of the DailyBuzz Moms Tastemaker program in partnership with Clorox.

Every year when August rolls around, I feel the excitement that most people feel at the end of December. To me, a new school year means a New Beginning. As I pack the kids’ backpacks with their school supplies, I start making mental lists of all of the things I’m going to do differently this year.

The list always includes the following items:
1. Eat healthier
2. Clean the house
3. Figure out my hair

The list also tends to include things like:
1. Figure out quinoa once and for all!!!
2. Start taking vitamins. (Bottle already in cabinet. Check expiration date.)
3. Calcium supplements?!

This year I’m pleased to report that with the help of DailyBuzz Moms and Clorox®, I was able to hit the ground running with my goals of eating healthy and cleaning the house! A few days back, I received the following items in the mail:

What you see here probably looks familiar. We have Clorox® Disinfecting Wipes, Glad® To Go Lunch containers, and a Brita® Bottle Water Filtration System.

The Clorox® wipes have become a staple in our house, as well as in the girls’ school. (Every year without fail, Clorox® wipes are included on the classroom supply list.) I use them to wipe off the counter tops, the inside of the sink, and the top of the toilet. (I would wash my face with them if I could. As you know, they smell great.)

We’ve been using (and reusing) Glad® containers forever, but I had no idea that the To Go Lunch containers existed! They’re smart, because they have a 1.5 oz. cup that snaps into the lid.

That cup can hold salad dressing, hummus, olive oil, or even chocolate syrup! The possibilities are endless, really. (I like to stuff my cup with mixed nuts, as I tend to crave protein after I eat a big bowl of fruit!)

The final item in the package is my new favorite thing. If you know me at all, you know that I’m constantly carrying around a container of water. I’m not a big fan of plastic water bottles, but I *am* a big fan of Good Water. Because our tap water is drinkable, I tend to fill one of our many dishwasher-safe reusable cups every time I leave the house, and I’ll spend most of the day drinking from it. Admittedly, the water tends to taste a bit stale by the end of the day, which is a bummer, but worse things could happen, right? Anyway, when I opened up the Brita® Bottle Water Filtration System, I immediately knew I was going to put it to the test to see if it keeps the End of the Day Stale Water Thing (EotDSWT) under control.

This morning I cleaned out the bottle, filled it up with water from our tap, and when I took a drink I noticed that the water was tasting better than our tap water. The Brita® filter? It works. Best of all, a few hours later I took a drink and there was zero hint of Stale. Success. I love this water bottle. (The only thing I don’t love is that it has a spout on the top. I need to learn how to drink from a spout without spilling all over myself. I’ve heard that practice makes perfect.)

I’m beyond thrilled with the items from DailyBuzz Moms and The Clorox Company. (I still need help with the hair/quinoa/vitamin thing, but those things can wait as I pack my healthy snack on my clean counter tops!) By the way, because I know you guys are brilliant, I would love to hear what kind of things you would put in the 1.5 oz. cup that comes with the Glad® To Go Lunch containers! Let’s brainstorm! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Everybody’s talking ’bout mediations, United Nations, congratulations on my tubal ligation…

Despite some fairly minor glitches, the tying of the tubes was a success!

Glitch #1: Everyone I talked to at the hospital seemed a bit worried to hear that I was on a solo mission. Jeff dropped me off at 6:00, and planned on being back by 8:15. The surgery was scheduled for 8:00, and normally takes about 45 minutes to complete. In the pre-op prep area, I was surrounded by people headed off to Major surgery, and they were surrounded by family and friends. I brought my knitting. Minds were boggled.

Glitch #2: I was handed a plastic cup and a vial. I was told to pee in the cup and pour it into the vial. The vial did not have a flat bottom, so the entire process became an exercise in problem solving. If I pour the pee into the vial before I wash my hands, I’ll have to continue to hold the vial, making hand washing impossible, which is unacceptable. If I wash my hands and THEN pour the pee into the vial, I’ll probably want to wash my hands again. I refuse to turn my face toward the sky with the vial in my mouth. Wait. What would MacGyver do? I peed into the cup, washed my hands, poured the pee into the vial, CAREFULLY tucked the vial behind the elastic band of my underpants, washed my hands again, grabbed the vial with my towel, and journeyed back to the nursing station feeling very proud of myself.

Nurse: Oh! Where’s the lid for the vial?

Me: There was no lid.

Nurse: Are you sure there wasn’t a lid?

Me: Believe me. There was no lid.

Glitch #3: The computer crashed twice as the nurse tried to enter my information.

Me: Do you think this means I really AM supposed to have another baby?

Nurse: What?

Me: Nothing.

Glitch #4: My surgeon ran into traffic and the nurses were freaking out on the fact that it was surgery time! But no surgeon! When she did show up, she was wearing a really amazing skirt that she scored for three dollars at Macy’s. (I love my doctor.)

Glitch #5: Endometriosis. Who knew? Apparently, it was a mild case, and my doctor was able to remove it. (Did you know that endometriosis may cause headaches? I’m feeling sort of optimistic about the endometriosis/headache connection!)

Hey, look! It’s me! Drunk on narcotics/anesthesia, yet still wanting you to give peace a chance!

Glitch #6: I was unable to see straight for about 48 hours after the surgery. I believe I can blame the anti-nausea patch the anesthesiologist placed behind my ear. That little patch was pretty incredible. The Not Being Able to See thing was NOT so incredible, as it made knitting/reading/watching television impossible.

Jeff and the girls let me spend most of the weekend in bed.

My parents delivered a huge box of peaches.

Henry and Scout became friends.

And today, because I’m still not feeling up for driving, I’m knitting a pumpkin hat for an autumnal baby.

All is well. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Fit to be Tied!

Here is an actual ultrasound taken of my pelvic area earlier this morning.

If you go back in time to your most recent anatomy class, you’ll realize that you are pleased to be at my cervix! Get it?! HA HA HA! Anyway, here we see my fallopian tubes, a couple of good looking ovaries, a uterus complete with endometrium, and various other parts that make up my reproductive system. (I don’t want to use the V word, because I would hate for someone to Google something that isn’t available here. In my mind, folks with questionable intentions will not be searching out “uterus complete with endometrium.” I’ve been wrong before…)

The next time you see me, my innards are going to look a little more like this:

Pretty! Yes. Tomorrow morning at approximately 8:00, my doctor will be slicing tiny holes into my abdomen, grabbing my fallopian tubes, and tying them into what I assume will be a decorative organ bow! (I bet Martha Stewart’s tubes are tied.) I’m not quite sure what to expect other than approximately three days of discomfort, but I AM hoping that my memory improves after surgery.

Because, look closely.

I think you know what I’m saying. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

First Day of School!

You know me.

I really can’t let a first day of school go by without sharing the photos.

And, look. I even made them hug.

(It took about 25 failed shots to get one hug photo in which both girls look at least partially happy. “Keep hugging! No! We’re not there yet! Hug! Happy hugs! Hu-uh-uhg!”)

((Congratulations to Peggy for winning the hat or gloves! And thank you so much to all who donated or who still might donate! We’re almost there!!!)) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Welcome, Henry Huggins!

As you know, we’ve been talking about getting a sibling for Scout.

Last week, the wonderful woman who helped us adopt Scout sent this link to me. We immediately fell in love with ALL of the puppies, but were most interested in adopting either Brownie (a female) or Scout (a male).

Long Story Shortened Because You Like It Like That: The woman fostering the pups took them to an adoption event today, and she held Brownie and Scout back for us. We got there and pretty much immediately knew that Brownie was a bit too quiet and cuddly for Scout’s aggressive ways. However, I’m pleased to report that Scout and Scout got along famously. Much sniffing and wagging!

Foster Mom: I have to warn you, Scout likes to put his paws in his water bowl and go crazy with splashing!

Me: So does our Scout!

Foster Mom: Also, he had an umbilical hernia, so you might want to keep an eye on that.

Me: So did our Scout!

(It was meant to be. I shall now adopt every dog named Scout and fill my house with Scouts.)

The girls and I held a quick meeting, where we decided that New Scout (who is 1/2 Beagle, 1/4 Shih Tzu, and 1/4 Brussels Griffon) looks like a Henry Huggins. (We name all of our pets after characters in books.) We filled out the papers, paid the fee, and brought our new family member home, where we’ll all live happily ever after. (Except for the cats, who are sitting in the basement applying black eyeliner, listening to Morrissey, and wondering what the hell is going on.)

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Nutter Butter is the Blizzard of the Month. I’ve already had four of them.

Because I’m not a fan of crowds, last year I often found myself stressing out before PTO meetings even though my only obligation for those meetings was to walk into the school library, find an empty seat, sit down in that seat, and then find my way out to the car when the meeting was over. I believe I attended a total of three meetings last year, which is admittedly fairly horrible, but it was three meetings more than I had attended in any of the previous years.

I’m now the treasurer of our school’s PTO. This means I will be attending ALL of the meetings, probably saying actual words during those meetings, doing things with money and bank accounts and budgets, and smiling a lot. I just need to constantly remind myself that sending a loved one off to WAR is terrifying. PTO is not terrifying. It’s not terrifying. Not terrifying. Terrifying.

Last night I attended my first event of the fiscal year. (Look at me talking in fiscals. I feel smarter already, Olivia Newton-John!) I saw a few things that broke my heart and a few things that found me fighting the urge to roll my eyes into the back of my head. At the end of the night, I returned home, counted some money, and entered a bunch of numbers into the system. No need for Xanax. All is well.

This evening (in about an hour, actually), we’ll be returning to school to meet the teachers. I’m terribly happy with the teachers the girls will have this year. My only complaint (and it’s a tiny one) is that one of the girls will be in a classroom with someone that I was hoping would NOT be in her classroom. BUT, I’m trying my hardest to turn my attitude around and even bring God into it along with words like Forgiveness and Peace and Love. (Wurocher once said, “If a child acts like a hateful animal, treat her as one. Feed her ground corn and chicken by-product and make her pee outside. Just kidding.”)

We’ll see what happens. In the meantime, if you have a Dairy Queen in your area, get over there and buy a Nutter Butter Blizzard. Tell them I sent you. (Don’t really tell them that I sent you. They don’t know me. (Unless you’re going to the Dairy Queen by my house. They know me. Oh, yes they do.)) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Why do I need 24 smiley stickers?!

I just purchased one of those 18-Month Mom Planners. I really wish there would have been a better selection of planners, but when you’re shopping at a big cruddy store that’s going out of business soon, you sort of get what you get. Anyway, my planner came with hundreds of goofy little stickers and spaces for meal ideas and perforated blank grocery list areas where I normally write things like “Thursday. No eodpm.” instead of “Lentils. Almonds. Peaches.” and then I stare at eodpm and wonder what I meant and then a few days later I get a phone call confirming my tubal ligation and reminding me of No Eating Or Drinking Past Midnight, and suddenly the world makes sense again.

This week’s two-page calendar spread is completely full. It hasn’t been like that for quite some time, and we’re a bit bummed because this means No Pajama Days. Today’s box says “Lydia. Checks. Groceries. Pencils.” and none of those things sound like fun, so I believe I’ll also add in a yogoluv or a Haircut for Girls.

I’m pleased to announce that I delivered another batch of cake balls over the weekend!

The blues are yellow cake with chocolate icing, and the whites are cherry chip cake with cherry icing. I really loved them, because they reminded me of one of my favorite ever sock yarns.

I *still* haven’t made socks out of that yarn. It’s just too pretty. I was able to spend a few hours knitting with friends over the weekend, and this shawl (which seems like more of a scarf than a shawl, but who am I?) became the topic of discussion. Perhaps some of my prettier sock yarns can become Melody’s Shawls…

Like this one.

Or this one.

Speaking of neckwear, Meredith knitted a fabulous cowl for Scout.

When it’s back to school season, a puppy needs a scarf like a vegetarian needs a juicy hamburger. BUT, when January rolls around? Scout will be thanking Meredith for her thoughtfulness. (And I’ll still be avoiding those juicy hamburgers.)
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I’m knitting a hat or gloves for a lucky reader. You can read all about it right here! (Your chances are crazy good! Apparently, not many people want gloves or a hat!) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

I’ve got friends in low places.

I know I’ve gone on about this before.

But seriously. I had to share this with you.

I wasn’t sure how to respond this morning when my feminine protection suggested I go play.

“I’ve got your back,” said the tampon, “Really. Go play.”

“Well, okay then!” I replied as I pumped my fist into the air, which I often do during That Time of The Month. (I normally follow that exuberant fist pump with a melodramatic cry on the bathroom floor, a maniacal laugh as I shove too many Doritos into my mouth, and a silent scream as my migraine hits. I enjoy being a girl!)

So, yeah. I did what the tampon told me! After taking the kids to catch their ride to College for Kids, I played fourteen rounds of tennis (rounds? sets? I really have no idea!), I mastered The Cartwheel in my front yard, I marched around a football field with a tuba, and I cross-country skied across some country!

Tampon totally had my back. I returned to the house to find that all of my laundry was finished and put away, the floors were sparkling, the dog had been trained, and my shower problem had been solved! The only thing Tampon didn’t do was pick my kids up and bring them back home to me, and that’s the only reason why I decided to remove and dispose of it.

And thank God I did!

It might sound silly, but if you substitute “Grandma” for “tampon” the way I just did, it becomes a bit easier to heed the advice! So, I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind. I’m grabbing my keys and hitting the road. You see, somewhere out there is a carnival with my name written all over it, and I’m going to have fun. I *do* trust you, Tampon! I do! (Why am I suddenly crying? Do you have any Funyons I can borrow?!)

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Spinning Bats and Plump Cats

Because school starts up in less than two weeks, we’re currently spending a lot of time trying to tie up loose ends and do some of the things we’ve been talking about doing since the summer began. (We STILL haven’t gone out for a Pancake Breakfast! Unacceptable!)

Tomorrow evening is our last chance to cash in the free River City Rascals baseball tickets the girls earned at school last year. I’m a HUGE baseball fan. (I’m not a huge baseball fan.) The only thing that will possibly keep us away from the stadium tomorrow (other than my complete lack of enthusiasm) is the fact that the temperature is supposed to hit 98 degrees, which along with being a terrible band, is about 38 degrees too hot for me to plop down in a stadium seat. Meredith has decided that if we cannot deal with the heat of the game, we should go with Plan B, which involves a Chinese buffet. All I Can Eat Crab Rangoon, or feeling sweat run down my back while eating peanuts or Skittles or some other crap because I tend to not think ahead and the concession stands at these places typically offer nothing but fried up dead animals that are all too often served on sticks. Hrm. This is a tough one. (This is not a tough one.)

Do you remember back in May when I bought my juicer? I’ve used it exactly three times, and I haven’t been terribly smiley about any of my concoctions. (The promise of apple season is the only thing preventing me from trying to sell the blasted thing.) Luckily, unlike the juicer, my spinning wheel purchase has officially stuck. This is my latest bobbin.

It has some thick and thin and slubby bits, and although I wish my bobbins were even and beautiful when full, I haven’t yet mastered the hook adjustments. Anyway, for the spinners out there, I have one more bobbin to fill with this fiber before I attempt to Navajo ply it. I’m not so great at the spinning thing, but it’s all about the practice, right? Right! Any advice would be appreciated.

Hey! Do you remember when Harper took a hole puncher to Sidney’s ear? Although we haven’t seen much of Sid since Scout became part of the family, I wanted to assure you that she does still exist. (AND, so does the dent in her ear.)

She’ll be hiding in the basement (with that amazing pillow globe that I bought when I was pregnant with Meredith) until the dog is no longer a threat, which should occur sometime around the 12th. The 12th of Never. Also, do you remember learning how to put your shoulders back and stick out your neck and tilt your head and suck in your stomach and push your tongue against your front teeth all in an effort to make yourself appear a bit more photogenic?

Sidney hasn’t learned that yet.

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