NaBloPoMo Archives : Page 7 of 13 : Fluid Pudding

Eau de Hand Sanitizer

Despite the girls’ weirdness with coughing and stomach ailments, the parent/teacher conferences went surprisingly well. In fact, both girls left the elementary school feeling ultra-confident and super-smart, and the moment we got into the car Meredith took the opportunity to judge MY performance.

Meredith: Mom, I think we should talk about YOUR report card. You’re sort of mean.

Harper: And immature.

Me: If you think *I’m* mean and immature, how do you feel about Daddy?

Harper: Well, we’re ALL a little IMMATURE. Even the cats.

Me: Wait. So, I’m the only mean one in the house?

Meredith: You just need to learn how to offer us more choices. Like if we’re fighting, instead of yelling at us, you should say, “Okay. Here are your choices. You can either keep fighting, or we can go out for ice cream.”

Today, because there is no school, Jeff is home from work, and I quietly confessed to being headache-free with the new glasses: Meredith is trudging around the house with a puke bowl, and a feverish Harper is still coughing as if she has taken up a fairly severe smoking habit. We’ve canceled all weekend plans and have decided to hunker down with a heavy dose of liquids, stomach-friendly foods, and couch time. (Meanwhile, Jeff is cleaning out the basement. Superman.)
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By the way, make sure you go over here (if you want) and play for laughs! You could win $100! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Some of this, some of that.

Today was an early dismissal day at school. As I type this post, Harper is on one couch with a sore throat and a cough. Meredith is on the other couch with a stomachache. I have canceled my plan to go to my book club this evening, and am currently trying my hardest to not be a bit bummed out. Hrm. I suppose if they’re going to get sick, I’d much rather they get sick now and not when we’re headed out to Disney World. AND, it’s the beginning of a three day weekend! The perfect time for illness! Whee! This is a GOOD thing.

I’m feeling a phantom buzzing sensation thing in my left thigh at the exact location where I carry my phone. SO, I keep grabbing for my phone, and no one is there. My phone is not vibrating. My leg is vibrating. It’s doing it right now, actually. Also, and I’m not going to say this very loudly, but: My headache, at this moment in time, is gone. The receptionist at my eye doctor’s office was quick to sing songs about how “90% of headaches are NOT caused by eye-related issues, but I’ll go ahead and set up an appointment.” During the appointment, after hearing me drone on about my head, the doctor (whose glass appears to be half-full) said, “Well, 10% of headaches are actually caused by eye-related issues!” Anyway. I haven’t yet started to knit a pair of socks for him, but I’m starting to feel the urge. 48 hours with the new glasses, and my almost eight week old headache feels like it’s gone. I doubt that’s a coincidence.

I haven’t had meat for nearly five months. However, if Jon Hamm were to show up and ask me to share a kielbasa tray with him? I’d grab the mustard (obviously) and dig right in. I wouldn’t share a kielbasa tray with just anyone, mind you. Jon Hamm is my current “Screw the vegetarianism, it’s time for Eastern European sausage!” guy. (Incidentally, he grew up less than ten miles away from where I live right now. My current local honey is his childhood local honey. (I’m not talking about Jeff. I’m talking about bees.))

I shall now drink hot tea and telepathically transfer the healing properties to my kids. Can I get a Lapsang Souchong?!
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By the way, make sure you go over here (if you want) and play for laughs! You could win $100! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

(I didn’t really clean out the refrigerator.)

Just so you know, this morning I took vinegar and a cotton ball to a pair of shoes that had grown moldy on the inside. I did NOT make a video of it. (You’re welcome.) I’m still a bit bewildered/disgusted by the whole idea of Mold in the Shoe, and when I tried to find information on the internet by searching for “Mold in my Dansko”, I discovered that I am the first person to ever be willing to discuss this problem publicly. Anyway, the vinegar sucked it up, and everything is back to normal.

Someone sent an e-mail asking about the brand of glasses I’m now wearing. Interestingly enough (to 3% of you, maybe), they’re Eco, also known as Earth Conscious Optics. The model number is 1030, and because they’re made of recyclable materials, I fully expect them to start decomposing on my face sometime in the next few months. Next year at this time, they’ll have reduced themselves to a monocle, and suddenly, top-hatted and with a wrinkled outer shell, I’ll invite you to come over and eat peanuts with me.

We’ve once again reached that time where the school asks parents to bring in food for the parent/teacher conferences. Last year I fell down and threw a pan of brownies across the parking lot. This year I took the easy way out: Two sausage/cheese plates and a box of Ritz crackers. (The local grocery store calls this particular combination “Nibbler Tray! Carb Diet Delight!” which is sort of embarrassing and sort of awesome depending on my mood.)

When I got home from delivering the food to the school, I quickly surveyed my refrigerator to see if we had anything else the teachers might be interested in. The newsletter was pretty specific: The teachers prefer items tailored to the Grab and Go style of eating. I quickly cleaned out the bottom shelf and labeled everything to appear as delightful as the Nibbler Tray.

“Meatballs from The Puddings’ Tuesday! Fifteen were made! Only six were eaten! Refresh your inner man!”

“These three sweet pickles are older than a certain kindergarten student named Harper! Gormandize!”

“This is part of a tater tot casserole, which actually seemed like a good idea at the time! Take sustenance!”

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By the way, make sure you go over here and play for laughs! You could win $100! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

You’ve always been my favorite, Plochman’s Mustard.

So, a few years back I kicked off NaBloPoMo with a video representing a day in the life of me.

This morning I decided to try it again. (Funny how two years have passed, yet I’m still (pretty much) the same, Bob Seger.)

(In case you’re not a fan of nonsensical silent movies (ah, but it’s not silent with Sondre Lerche playing in the background, is it?!), here is my commentary: I ate some bean soup, I got my first Scout’s Swag yarn club shipment in the mail, I decided to determine if a new smile is needed to go with my new glasses, I knitted part of an owl cozy, I ate one of my final Mihow Pepper Pops, I read a book written by a local favorite, and I enjoyed a mid-afternoon condiment. AND, the day is still young. World? Oyster.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Weekend Updates are tricky, Tina Fey.

In about ninety minutes, I’ll be attending my new book club, which means I now belong to two book clubs. (If you’re curious about my other book club (and I know you are because you’re still reading), please know that we’re meeting on Thursday to discuss The Corrections, and no. I still haven’t finished The Corrections. But don’t give up on me just yet.) Anyway, I’m standing strong in my belief that one can never have too many book clubs.

Today’s book club will be discussing Still Alice by Lisa Genova. I didn’t read it, either, but I DID listen to the audio book (unabridged!) and it was actually read by the author, which is often such a mistake, but not in this case, because: So Many Medical Terms, and this particular author is a neuroscientist. Spoiler Alert! (Not really.) Alice (who really is Still Alice, hence the title) tries to make white chocolate bread pudding in the book, and that’s EXACTLY what I’m trying to do right now, because I’m nothing if not relevant.

In about fifteen minutes I’ll be melting a bunch of Ghirardelli white chocolate into a pot of simmering whipping cream. That’s what I call sauce. (Incidentally, that’s what Epicurious calls sauce, too. I’m using their recipe.)

Enjoy your Sunday. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

M-I-C… See you real soon!

This afternoon my parents announced that they are taking our family and my sister’s family to Disney World for Thanksgiving.

The girls are smiling from ear to ear and studying their Birnbaum Guides to make sure they don’t miss anything during our stay.

I haven’t been to Disney World since I was thirteen years old.

This is going to be good. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Tossing Hats into Rings and Whispering “NaBloPoMo.”

So, yeah. We did the Halloween thing. Meredith was Scary Selena Gomez, and Harper was Rose Princess.

I don’t really get into Halloween, although I try my best to put on a good show, what with the “Ooh! You look so spooooky!” and the “What a beyooootiful princess!!!” schlock that I tend to puke up every time someone knocks on my door. (I really do get into the pumpkin carving thing. With that said, I believe I pulled a muscle in my back carving the Hello Kitty pumpkin for Meredith. I’m 147 years old.)

There was a spooky pumpkin guy at the school’s Trunk or Treat on Friday, and his mouth looks like Jeff’s mouth. So, although Jeff swears he was working late and could not be at the Trunk or Treat, I like to pretend that he really was there—all goofified in a pumpkin head and staying silent to up his spooky cred. (Sometimes I type poetry by accident. I’m sure Allen Ginsberg knows what I’m talking about.) (Note: Goofified? You won’t find it in the dictionary. And that’s a shame.)

I finished my ghost socks just in time for Halloween, and then I forgot to wear them. I believe Teddy Roosevelt once said that Election Day is a good day for ghost socks. (Oh! Before you think I got all crazy talented with the ghost socks, please know that the dyer actually dyed the yarn so that if you knit at seven stitches per inch, the ghosts appear. That’s all you have to do. Genius.)

To keep up with tradition, I’m thinking of posting every day this month. I already know that I’m going to have five days of trickiness around Thanksgiving, so I’m not going to officially sign on for NaBloPoMo. Let’s see what happens.
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My roommate once told me I was Very Wide. Follow this link to read the story, and you could win $150! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

The Golden Mean

Let’s tie up all loose ends here, shall we?

The Cat’s Ear: As of today, Sidney’s ear has completely healed around the hole. She now looks like a cat who has a battle scar, and has already forgotten who scarred her. She actually jumped up onto the couch this afternoon and curled up right next to Harper. The Puddings would like to buy the world a Coke. (By the way, I’m still holding a grudge against a girl named Kelly who embarrassed me during one of my sister’s slumber parties. I was in the fourth grade at the time, meaning this particular grudge is thirty years old. Two days after being cut with a hole puncher, Sidney has forgiven Harper. Obviously, Sidney and I need to grab some peyote and sweat lodge it out or something.)

NaBloPoMo: This is the final entry. So, there’s that. Thirty days of not very much. However, Mrs. Flinger has stirred me.

You Didn’t Even Know About This: I’ve been feeling itchy to grab the family and head out of town for a weekend. SO, this weekend we’re going to take the kids to Indianapolis to visit the Children’s Museum, the zoo, and whatever else sparks us. (I’m looking at you, Mass Ave Knit Shop.) The kids have no idea. This will be good.

My Hair: I just got back from the haircut place. I let her shave up the back and sides of my head and let the top go floppy. We’ll see how long it lasts.

I’m holding paper behind my head so you can sort of see what I mean by Go Floppy. Otherwise, the flop would be lost in our refrigerator magnet collection.

Weird. Do you see that red spot on my neck? What IS that?

Today is Mark Twain’s birthday! To my knowlege, he never said anything quotable about Pudding, but he did have this to say about the Pterodactyl:

“The less said about the pterodactyl the better.”

We spent 2.5 hours unwinding a skein of Bambino!

This afternoon I went to the Rock-n-Roll Craft Show with Chris and Kym.

After the show, we went to Pi.

After Pi, we went to Knitty Couture.

Perfect day.

And now I’m just trying to figure out if I should have my hair all cut off again, or if I should continue to let it grow.

(I’m not purposefully letting it grow—it’s just that I haven’t had a haircut in over two months, so growing has happened.)

((My hair normally looks something like this. Sadly, right now it looks like I’m wearing a very awkward helmet, and I’m actually having to use a blow dryer, which makes me feel a bit too bothered. PLUS, we’re going out of town next weekend, and I really don’t feel like dealing with electronic hair equipment. Also, I really love Alice’s hair.))

I would create a Grow or No Grow poll, but I lack the energy. Oh, man! Tomorrow is the final day of NaBloPoMo! Is there anything you needed from me before I go? ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

The Pudding House has fun house flooring.

This is an actual photograph taken a few moments ago.

As you can see, Sidney is fine—despite the half moon hole in her left ear.

(What you can’t see is the pleading look in her eye as she begs for more turkey. I’ll spare you that wrench of the heart.)

((Another thing you can’t see is Harper. She’s back in her room thanking God for making us a No Spank family.))

All is well, although I’m currently fighting the urge to write a short story about Siddeartha—the half-moon-in-her-ear Brahmin cat who sets out on an ascetic journey to seek enlightenment. The only thing preventing this event is the tiny wise voice in my head that’s saying, “Dude. Really?!” ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>