Make Out Parties Archives : Page 2 of 5 : Fluid Pudding

Holes In My Head

At age 32, when I became pregnant with Meredith, I removed my Billy Pancake ring (long story) along with the four “extra” earrings in my ears. For whatever reason, I viewed Pregnancy as a time to say goodbye to superfluosity, which is not a recognized word in the English language. (Apparently, I’m making up a lot of non-words these days. Unimaginability!)

When I was at Camp KIP (I know! Here I go again with the mentioning of knitting camp! NOW I’m actually calling it by name! Next up? I’ll probably rename my goofy website “Fluid Pudding Goes to Knitting Camp!”), I noticed a LOT of people with “extra” earrings, and some of the pierced folks were moms and some were not and I couldn’t stop wishing that I hadn’t removed my tiny hoops over eight years ago. Because, really. Being a mom doesn’t necessarily mean you’re allowed only two earrings, three pairs of khaki capri pants, and four t-shirts with subdued floral prints. There really is no Mom Costume, right? Am I right?

Last night we met some friends from New York for dinner, and the last time we saw these particular friends was nearly ten years ago—before any of us had kids. Last night there were four kids at our table, and for whatever reason, it really hit me that not much has changed in the past ten years, yet we’re now a party of eight instead of a party of four—BUT we can still talk about good music and books that poke our brains. (Can you tell that I’m typing this out really quickly? It’s very difficult (yet such a rattlesnaking cliché) to describe how some things change yet others stay the same, and perhaps I should have relegated this particular Ironing Out to my handwritten journal, but sadly, my handwritten journal doesn’t even exist at this time. I keep meaning to get back into pulling out my notebook every morning, but then I don’t. I could learn so much from this guy. (I actually cried when I watched that video. (Happy HandToFace Crying.) His website is here, and is one of my new favorites.) Where was I? Have I closed all of my parenthetical asides?!)

After we ate at Fitz’s last night, we walked to FroYo, whose website blasts annoying loud music, and I feel the need to warn you before I actually link to it. To get to FroYo, you have to pass by Phoenix Rising. (Fact: Nearly fifteen years ago, I purchased tiny hoop earrings at Phoenix Rising, and I’m now unable to find those hoops.) As we sat around eating our frozen yogurt, the pull became too much for me. I excused myself, walked next door, asked if they had tiny hoops (they did—at five dollars per pair!), quickly checked out, and was back in my yogurt seat in less than five minutes.

I am pleased to report that I have replaced three of my hoops, and only one of my three chosen holes needed to be partially redrilled. (In case you’re wondering about the fourth hole, I’m not quite sure I can get away with having a hoop on the top of my ear. For now, that story will remain untold. Also, I will not redo Billy Pancake.)

Suddenly, my ears look eight years younger.

Speaking of which, you know that I stuffed my mouth with marshmallows for you, I eyelinered my face for you, and I Sharpied my hands for you. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and I’m out of ideas. Feel free to challenge me.
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Average gestation for a llama? 350 days!

If you’ve been with me since March of 2006, you know that I’m a sucker for alpacas.

The photos in that entry have disappeared, but because TimeWaster is my middle name (Thanks, Mom and Dad!), I searched our external hard drive and found them for you!

Here they are, ordered as they appeared in the original post—over five years ago!

By the way, this is what Jeff and the girls looked like over five years ago.

(If everything Steve Miller says is true, we will be doing this in about a week.)

Anyway. Over the weekend I discovered that not only do I love alpacas, I also love llamas! (You know what? I’m going to throw caution to the wind over here and just say it. I love ALL camelids!)

Just look at this guy, who may or may not really be a girl! (I’ve been calling him Barack O’Llama, so let’s go with Boy.) He was sheared on Friday morning, and I was able to walk away with a tiny bag of his hair. I’m going to plant that hair in my back yard, and when I wake up with a yard full of adorable baby llamas, you will be the first to know.

(A dream is a wish your heart makes.)
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It’s a new giveaway!
The Puddings are eating vegetables and giving away a $100 Visa Gift Card! Leave a comment for your chance to win!

This one ends on Wednesday!
I went shopping at Walgreens, and now I’m giving away a $100 Walgreens gift card! Come on over! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

It’s about to get cat-eyed all up in this place!

Fluid Pudding first came into existence back in September of 2001. Since that time, I’ve been asked for a headshot something like six times. Maybe. AND, if we were to play the association game and you were to say Headshot!!!, I would come back with Distressing! or TheCraterousPoresOnMyCheeks!! or IrritableBowelSyndrome!!! Anyway, last week it came up again. SO, I flipped around through my Flickr set and found a photo my mom took of our family sitting on a couch during the holiday season.

Because it’s not a headshot unless it contains One Head, I cropped out my family and cloned my sweater over Meredith’s face to come up with this.

Heh. I know. I know! Jeff says it looks like I’m sort of sad and wrapped up in a blanket on a couch in an undisclosed location (enjoying a bowl of roz bi laban in Egypt with Anderson Cooper).

Anyway. I finally ate an amaretto-flavored sucker and contacted a friend and am getting the wheels in motion to have an actual photograph taken of my head in about a month. (I need a haircut, and the woman who cuts my hair lives five hours away, so I’m sort of on her schedule for these things. Have I ever mentioned that my life is sometimes decorated with quirky spoons and wrenches?) I’m thinking I would like a serious photo in case I ever decide to become complex and need a photo to represent the reflectiveness, plus a photo that’s a bit more whimsical? Maybe? Can one be whimsical at this age? Oh dear God, why am I crying? HEADSHOT!!!

The real reason I invited you over here today is to tell you that I ordered some liquid eyeliner last night, and it’s only a matter of time (about nine days, actually) before I start looking a little more like this.

How do you like me now, Anderson Cooper? ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Do you really want to play that way?

As you know, Jeff is in Palm Springs for the next few days. His original flight was canceled yesterday morning, so he had to fly into Los Angeles and then drive into Palm Springs, and this unfortunate fliparoo of scheduling actually caused him to make it to his hotel before he would have had he been on the original flight, because: No Layover in Houston. Oh, the humanity!

Meanwhile, Meredith’s teacher pulled me aside on Wednesday and told me that Meredith wasn’t really acting like herself at school—she was throwing her feet up on her desk and acting sort of nuts, which isn’t really her typical At School demeanor. Later that evening, Meredith Baroque DaHown and I ended up keeping her home again yesterday. (I reluctantly sent her back to school today, and when I volunteered in her classroom this morning, I handed her teacher a piece of paper with my phone number on it and asked her to call me if things got crazy. I hate that I’m such a weirdo with that sort of thing.)

A few hours ago, I received the following photo from Jeff. It came in a message titled The View From My Doorstep.

Meanwhile, it’s sort of cold and snowy/rainy here. Oh! Wait! Here’s The View From My Doorstep.

Ah, but before you start grabbing your handkerchiefs and violins in my honor, please know that the UPS man has provided me with a silver lining!

(They’re my first ever pair of boots (really!), and they’re making me want to wear skirts and maybe even tie scarves around my neck and do cutesy twirls when I walk!)

((I fall down all of the time. I won’t really be doing the cutesy twirl thing. BUT, skirts! Maybe!))

(((Someday I might tell you about how the tissue paper surrounding the boots was smeared with what appeared to be some sort of animal feces. It sort of killed the buzz of the whole “Hey! Boot deliveries are awesome!” thing. Luckily, I was able to put on a pair of my disposable latex gloves (I wear them often), peel the paper away from the boots, verify that none of the mess was actually touching the shoes, and Hooray! Boot deliveries ARE awesome!)))

((((Yes. The tree is still up. I’m working on it. (I’m not really working on it.))))) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

I haven’t used the word Desultory in a long time.

A few days ago, my friend and neighbor came over with this.

(Actually, the jar was full when she gave it to me.) Anyway, she told me that she had seen my post about Mihow’s amazing schizophrenic lollipops, and she was inspired to make some of her own hard candy. Using herbs from her garden, she put together lemon-ginger, pepper-clove, and lemon balm-rosemary candy. Absolutely amazing. I stirred one of the lemon-gingers into my hot tea last night. (Sometimes I have really good ideas.) Oh! Because I need to share all of my good ideas: Last week I was sitting at the computer when it occurred to me that a grilled cheese and horseradish sandwich sounded very good, so I made one, and it was. Feel free to take that bit of information and put it into your pretend knapsack as you continue onward through your Saturday journey. (It seems that everyone is talking about their journey lately. I hate that my eyes are starting to roll a bit at Journey. Nothing to hide, believe what I say, Steve Perry.)

One more thing. You guys know that I’m trying to do the whole National Blog Posting Month thing. I think I did it last year. Maybe I did it the year before. I really have no memory. But here. I just put my fork down and made eye contact with you. If we were in a movie you would know that I’m about to say something serious. After today, I’m giving up on my NaBloPoMo JOURNEY. (I added all-caps for emphasis. Eat. Pray. Love.) Disney World is coming up in three days, and I need to make lists and pack. Also, I don’t have a laptop. When we get to Florida, I like to think that the last thing on my mind is going to be updating Fluid Pudding. I did consider writing five posts and scheduling them to go up while we’re gone, but come on. If I did that, who have I become?!

SO, look at us. We made it last for 20 days! AND, it just might stretch out to 22 because of habitual behaviors coupled with the fact that Tempe and I split an 8-pack of lip gloss last night, and if my colors stir me to sing, the internet won’t be able to stop me. By the way, have I thanked you for stopping by lately? I adored all of your answers to my previous post. Elf on the Shelf! Seriously! We could honestly change the world with all of our schemes. (I would like to nominate Grilled Cheese Horseradish Sandwich for my World Changing submission. I would like to nominate Christy for the lemon balm-rosemary candy! Feel free to add your own nomination. You know, if it doesn’t screw up your journey.)
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Speaking of pepper…

So, a few weeks back I was hanging out on Facebook when I noticed that Mihow was Etsy’s Featured Seller. Here’s the thing. I love Mihow, and I had been wanting to buy some of her schizophrenic lollipops for quite some time. When I noticed that she had added Pepper Pops to the store? Yeah. Sold!

My pepper pops arrived a few days back, and I am in love.

I’ve always been a fan of sweet and salty. I’m now a fan of sweet and peppery. I have only two left, and I’m trying my hardest to save them for a special occasion. With that said, Sunday marks the end of Daylight Savings Time. Special. (My next order will include Chai and The Elvis. I’m hooked.)

AND, because I love to talk about my friends, please know that my friend and neighbor has gone public with her new website. She focuses on cooking from scratch on a budget and she covers everything from the equipment you’ll need to pantry staples to recipes and more. So many good ideas! (And I know for a fact that she’s an excellent cook.)

(Oh. Wait. In case you’re on the edge, the Mint Chip on a Stick and Sweet Tea are also very good. And don’t even get me started on Asian Orange.)

I had a mammogram yesterday. I was going to take photos and do a big step-by-step thing for you, but then I got all flustered and told the technician a bunch of information that she didn’t need to know, and then I was terribly embarrassed, and my camera never made it out of the bag. So. THAT happened. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Oh, Barbie…

This morning I went into the girls’ bathroom and found this on the tub.

(I have given the girls permission to throw all Barbies into the bathtub, which means I can throw them all away in a few months when their hair starts to get nasty.) Apparently, this particular Barbie is making the most of her limited amount of time in our house. Seriously: Who can beat a naked duck riding party on a cool Wednesday night in September?

Meanwhile, Barbie’s friend (a.k.a. Barbie) was involved in some sort of devastating holiday duck misadventure.

This sort of behavior will not be tolerated at The Pudding House. She’ll be checking into rehab (a.k.a. The Trash Can) later this afternoon. Without the ducks.
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My jeans play fast and loose.

This is what I know: You can take an ear of corn (including the husk and silk and all other corn-related anatomy) and cook it in the microwave on high for three and a half minutes. Take it out (carefully, because it’s really crazy hot), remove outer corn-related things, and what you have left is a perfect corn on the cob. (I’ve been boiling pots of water for years. Wait. I’ve been boiling pots of water for EARS! HA HA HA HA HA!!! Now I can make single servings! Suddenly, everything’s coming up roses.)

This is what I think: Harper’s kindergarten teacher signs all of her correspondence with Love, MFB. When you’re expecting a Sincerely and you get a Love? It’s sort of a pleasant surprise.

This is what I’m wearing: Last week I found myself at Old Navy for the first time in several years. I’ve grown tired of wearing t-shirts with skirts every single day, so I decided to buy A Shirt. I ended up with this one (the red flowered version). I also bought a pair of denim capris, because they were super cheap. This morning I put the jeans on and noticed that the inside of the waistband holds the words The Flirt. I will be extra careful while wearing these jeans, because I cringe at the thought of waking up in an emergency room to a bunch of medical professionals yelling, “Ah! It seems that The Flirt is opening her eyes! Ask The Flirt how many fingers I’m holding up! The Flirt’s O2 Sat is looking a bit coquettish!”

This is what could change my life: On Wednesday, I’ll be kicking off my 40-day Inner Mean Girl Cleanse. When my 40 days are up, I might be putting flowers in my hair and using the L word a lot more. Or maybe not. Perhaps my Inner Mean Girl (I believe her name is Sam. I used to drink beer and introduce myself as Sam. Thank God those days are over. Wait a second. The Flirt! My Inner Flirt is a boozehound!) will fight the cleanse and October will find me looking a bit like this. Either way, things could get interesting. Or maybe not!

This is what I’m eating: Sushi for lunch and Indian for dinner, Lee Greenwood.
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The Pursuit of Sparkling Happiness

Enjoy your weekend, whether it contains a holiday or not. I’ll be sitting over here in the kitchen assembling one of those cold vegetable pizza things with spinach dip and tiny biscuits. Also, please know that The Puddings are in possession of punks, glow worms, and smoke bombs. (J to the Ollification, Mr. Hancock.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

I’m making big decisions without internet access!

My phone went dead yesterday afternoon. AND, when the phone goes dead, the DSL goes dead, and suddenly I’m faced with an army of chirping crickets and all I want to do is check my e-mail or read websites or research eyelash growth, and twenty years ago I had no idea what the internet was, and now I’m really wondering what I did with my time back then. (Wait! I remember! I actually hung out with real people and went to real restaurants/bars and read books. Also, because I was in college at the time, I’m assuming I studied a bit. And, oh how I wish I could revisit those years and perhaps try a bit harder in my classes. Have I ever told you that I changed my major seven times in five years? Question: How do you go from Piano Performance to Psychology/Religion in five steps? I’ll tell you how: English, Communications, Elementary Education, Occupational Therapy, Nursing!)

Where was I? Yes. Without the internet. So, I walked out of the house at six in the evening to get the mail, and a red truck came zooming (zooming!) up the hill with the horn honking and the driver waving. He pulled up into our driveway and yelled, “Is Jeff home?!” Jeff was not home. The driver introduced himself as our back yard side neighbor, and told me that he has been cutting the overgrowth of trees that now fall on his and our property from the other back yard side neighbor’s yard. (This is so boring.) Anyway, he asked if he could back his truck up to our yard today and haul away the branches and Oh! He noticed that we have a sassafras tree growing in our side yard, and can he make tea?! (Yes. Yes, he can.)

I told him when I saw him zooming up the hill, I thought he was going to ask if we had a working phone. Because we don’t. He laughed and claimed to not know anything about that.

This morning Jeff walked out into the back yard to check out the overgrowth, and he found that the Back Yard Side Guy had cut our phone wire. And I know it had to have been an accident, because the guy’s super nice but Argh.

An hour ago the girls and I drove thirty miles south so I could check my e-mail and tell you this story. And what a great story it is, no? I’d appreciate a few bucks for gas.

Also, my OB/GYN has been trying to get me off of the birth control pills for three years now, because the hormones mess with me and I’m 40 and I’m a bit irresponsible when it comes to taking them. SO, I’m thinking about letting her insert tiny coils into my fallopian tubes, which will fool the fallopians into forming scar tissue around the coils, thereby making it nearly impossible for me to produce unplanned Pudding Pops. (Please know that I didn’t come up with this coil idea on my own, although I sort of wish I had. Once again, intelligence is power.)

The only thing that sort of makes me stare at the sky and put my index finger to the side of my head is the fact that I sometimes think I have one more kid waiting to be made. If I do the scar tissue thing, that kid will never show his or her face.

I’m not sure why I told you the tree trimming story first, when it’s fairly clear that permanent birth control is the more compelling topic.

Finally, I’m going to go vegetarian again on July 1. SO, if you were going to invite me out for a steak dinner, your best bet would be to send that invitation out in the next few days.

And now I shall return to my house, where I’ll be without the internet for another 24 hours. At least. Inhale. Exhale slowly.
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