Fluid Pudding : Page 69 of 122 : It's the old small talk!

I’m in the mood for this October!

If you care to know what I’m doing today, it can easily be summed up by what’s written on the calendar. GOTR! Deposit! Call Pumpkin Run! Post Cards for New Families! Library! Harper piano 4:30! CSIP 6:00 Heights! MC piano 6:30! Target Cards x 3! Queen’s Birthday (Australia – WA)! (I’m also going to squeeze in a run and a shower.)

So, my Fight Club thing has found me at a two and a half pound standstill. I wanted to be down ten by Halloween. I don’t believe I have time for the final 7.5, so I’m going to call on my mean buddy Jillian Michaels to smack me around for a bit. What does this mean? I have removed the shrink wrap from my 30 Day Shred DVD.

I’ve been working on some tulip mittens.

The school’s fall festival is over, September is gone, Amy Winehouse is still dead, and here we go!

(November is looking a little rough, so I might try to give NaBloPoMo a whirl one month early. We’ll see what happens.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Year of the Consulship of Tubero and Maximus

I just realized that last week marked the eleventh anniversary of Fluid Pudding. Eleven years. According to this article, eleven years is the average lifespan of an online empire.

Sound the trumpets! And, farewell.

(I considered hitting the Publish button just now, but come on. We all know I’m not going anywhere. (I paid for two years of hosting in May. You don’t buy a year long gym membership and then go only once. (Unless you’re me. In 1996. Really.)) Honestly, I hope I don’t throw a big whiny parade for myself when I decide to leave Fluid Pudding for good. I’m just a tiny tiny room in a house that’s entirely too large, and I have no idea where I’m going with this paragraph. I’ve had a migraine off and on for 14 days now. 14 days! It’s hardly debilitating, but I’m finding that I’m spending more time than I would like rubbing my temples and throwing my head from right to left and saying Powder when I mean Dishwasher and pressing metal balls into my neck. Lots of heat on the pillow and cold on the forehead. One of my very favorite people has recommended acupuncture, and I’m about three days away from making a few calls. Are we still inside a parenthetical thought? Yes. Here. Let’s close it.)

The only time I get a little itchy about The State of Fluid Pudding is when I take note of the people who are talking about their brand and their audience and their advertisers. Don’t get me wrong—I love the idea of creating an actual empire by sitting at the dining room table while writing about fingernail polish, but it’s something I’ve never been able to Get. I’m constantly receiving e-mails that say things like, “Are you a food blogger? Then we may have an opportunity for you!” Are you a crafty blogger? Are you a fashion blogger? Are you an educational blogger? Are you a political blogger? Are you a mommy blogger whose kids are between the ages of 4 and 7? Are you a baby mommy blogger? Do you eat hamburgers? Do you drink wine?

I’m none of those things and less. I’ve done some decent things here and I’ve messed up some things here. (Remind me to tell you the story of May 2011 and how I screwed up a relationship that was very important to me. I’m still kicking myself, and I bruise easily.) Full Disclosure: The ads over to your right throw me enough cash to cover my host fees and my domain renewal. I have no idea what that means, other than I’m coming out even.

I’m a little disappointed in the latest Ben Folds Five album, and I’ve been listening to a LOT of Jellyfish.

This morning during my run, I was stopped by two deer, I was entertained by a guy playing bagpipes, and I was yelled at by a goose. Here’s to eleven more. (Years. Not angry geese.)

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Let’s pretend you’re coming over to my house.

A few days ago, I attended my very first Pampered Chef party. On the morning of the party, I asked Facebook what I should purchase. The response was overwhelming. Batter bowls! Mini-Whipper! Pastry cutter! Coated tongs! Stoneware bar pans! Garlic crusher! Spatula! Chopper! Peanut butter measuring thingy!

Right before I left the house, I told Jeff that I had three goals: 1. I will not spend a silly amount of money on stuff we don’t need, 2. I will not sign up to host a party at our house, 3. I will return home with no new stains on my clothes.

1. I cannot remember the exact amount of money I spent at the party, but I *do* know that I purchased an apple wedger (It’s SweeTango season!!!), a potato masher, and two batter bowls.

3. (There are no rules about order over here.) I did spill a tiny bit of chocolate sauce on my jeans at the party. It washed out. No stains!

2. You know me. I don’t invite anyone over to our house. I don’t have parties. I don’t maintain eye contact for more than three seconds at a time. Ah, but listen! When I mentioned the fact that I consulted Facebook before making my order, the Pampered Chef consultant mentioned that she was going to receive training the very next day on how to host a Pampered Chef Facebook Party!

So, yep. I signed on to be her very first Pampered Chef Facebook Party Hostess! (I’m a hostess, yet no one is coming over! It’s an introverted dream come true!!!)

All of this to say, if you want to place a Pampered Chef order, I can hook you up with my hostess site. (If you don’t live in St. Louis, anything you order can be shipped to you if you’re a US resident. I would now like to apologize to those of you who don’t live in the US.) ((I would now like to high five those of you who don’t live in the US. Have you heard about our presidential candidates?! Welcome to Crazy Town!)) If you order $60 in Pampered Chef product, we’ll throw in an apple wedger for free. (Did I mention how much I love SweeTango apples?! They arrived at our grocery store 48 hours ago, and I’ve eaten six so far. I deserve an apple wedger. And so do you. And you.)

Anyway, shoot me a comment or an e-mail if you need anything! (I need a potato chip maker. Imagine potato chips with chocolate drizzled over the top. Imagine sweet potato chips with cinnamon and sugar. Imagine the big goofy smile that’s currently on my face just thinking about the chip options. I know.)

(Disclaimer: This entry is not intended to make you feel pressure to buy anything. I hate pressure even more than YOU hate pressure. I’m just providing an opportunity. But only if you’re interested. We will always be friends no matter what happens. I’m pretend hugging you right now. (Not really.)) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

And I ran. I ran so far away. I just ran. I ran all night and day. Couldn’t get away.

Hello there.

It looks like I’ve been away for nine days, hasn’t it?

Using what I’ve written in my calendar as a guide, I shall now fill you in on what you missed during the past nine days.

I printed some reports for a meeting. I then made copies of those reports and took them to the meeting, where I was once again elected into an officer position. I wore orange and did not have a drink after the meeting.

I attended a different meeting at church. At that meeting, I volunteered to drive to a train station and take a photograph of a sign. I drove to that station, but didn’t see the sign. (I often don’t see the signs.) Luckily, I *did* find a place to purchase a coffee. In other words, the trip was not a wasted one. (Warning: The pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks is NOT vegan—even if ordered with soy milk. The pumpkin syrup has condensed nonfat milk in it. You’re welcome.) ((And another thing: Meredith has now been mostly dairy-free for nearly a month. As a result, she has weaned herself off of Prilosec and is having no stomach issues. She had been on Prilosec since she was six months old. This is huge.))

I had lunch with a friend at a place where the owner knows exactly how I like my veggie kebobs. (I have trouble with skewers (and onions). Apparently, the kitchen term for Skewerless is Kaboob!)

I went to Target to purchase running shorts for Meredith, who has joined Girls On The Run and will be running her first 5K in November.

We had dinner with friends we haven’t seen in over a decade. (White Castle parking lots don’t count.) Our party of four is now a party of seven, taco night is always a good idea, and although Mizzou lost the game, we still had a splendid time catching up.

Harper had a friend over for seven hours on Sunday. It went down as one of her best days ever, despite the fact that her friend had no interest in watching Newsies.

Piano lessons, trips to the post office, trips to the bank, freelance deadlines, processing PTO stuff, dealing with a migraine which is now about 60% gone, mourning the fact that I’m no longer on Lysteda, taking notes to plead my ablation case, and celebrating the arrival of my 30 Day Shred DVD which is still sitting shrink wrapped on my bookshelf. (Kathy? I need you to come over, unwrap the DVD, and promise that you’ll have lunch with me if I manatee my way through it.)

I finished, blocked, and buttoned my Acer Cardigan.

I learned how tricky it is to be alone while feeling the need to take a photo of the BACK of a cardigan.

Finally, a few nights back, I found myself at the grocery store looking for SweeTango apples and vegan cheese.

Meredith: Did you find your apples?

Me: No, but I found vegan cheese! I went with Daiya.

Meredith: I hope it doesn’t give you Daiya-rhea!

Thank you and good night. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.

Sometimes I’m really good at responding to comments at Fluid Pudding. Sometimes I’m just not. Please know that I’ll try to do better. Also, I love how so many people are with me on the “Hey. Let’s drop this extra weight.” gig.

How am I doing with that so far? This morning I weighed two pounds less than I did the last time I saw you. It’s probably part of the whole “two pound daily water weight fluctuation” thing that everyone talks about. I say this because I went to my parents’ house a few days back where I ate a half package of Double Stuf Oreos. (I really do hate that Nabisco leaves off the second f. Can anyone tell me why it’s not included? Is it so people like me will talk about it?) I definitely do not f-ing deserve to be two pounds down. Heh.

This morning I had a banana and coffee for breakfast before I went out for my run. I then returned home and found that one of my very favorite Facebook friends (who occasionally comments here, and I want to link to her so badly, but I’ll wait to gain her permission) had posted before and after shots that show how her body has changed shape since she started working out. It is incredible. Inspiring. It actually brought tears to my eyes. (I’m ovulating.)

So, yes. Fight Club. That’s what we’ll call it and that’s what we’ll do. After all, we’re fighting to escape the temptation umbrella that covers Double Stuf [sic] Oreos and all of Double Stuf Oreos’ friends! Also, if I see one of you on the street, I just might punch you in the face to keep in the spirit of the game. Project Mayhem!!! (I still love all but one of you.)

The first step I’m going to take is to create a better playlist for my runs. I’ve been a little bummed about the fact that I’m still unable to run five kilometers without stopping. I’m also a little bummed that I don’t seem to be running very quickly at all. As I ran this morning, this song came on:

I absolutely love that song, but here’s the thing. I can’t read and listen to music. I can’t knit and listen to music. I really can’t do anything that requires concentration if music is playing. Similarly, because of the marching band feather that I tend to wear in my cap, I cannot walk or run unless it’s with the beat of the music. If I try to ignore the beat and concentrate on my pace, I end up sort of tripping because a small part of me is trying to put three eighth notes with every beat to meet my goal of hitting a ten minute mile. It’s a disaster. So, yeah. No more ballads.

With that said, I also need to be careful, because if I try to step on Leftie with every beat of this song, I’m going to be running faster than the neighborhood rabbits, and that’s when my legs tend to break. Such fence-dancing!

Scout got a haircut, and my camera went fuzzy.

Let’s see. After losing her iPod Nano nearly a year ago, Meredith finally found it yesterday in a tiny pouch on top of her dresser! We have been rejoicing.

Hey. Follow this link and scroll down to #4 on my Things I Love The Most in Life on Friday, April Sixth. (I’ll wait right here.)

Now, let’s sing a song about vicissitudes! Come to find out, the person who was elected to replace me as PTO treasurer dropped out during the summer. Because of our bylaws, only three people were eligible to fill the slot. One of the three said she would do it. (She is not me.) BUT, after thinking about WHY I don’t want to be on the board and also thinking about how the person who said she would do it already has an overflowing plate, I decided to put on my cocksure shoes and step up. As a result, I’ve spent this afternoon searching my closet for a confidence shirt to wear to tomorrow night’s meeting. I believe I’ll go with this one, and I believe I’ll have a Xanax with my traveling big girl cup of water.

I’ve lost my blue knitting notions bag. It’s full of tapestry needles and safety pins and a measuring tape and cable needles and stitch markers and several little pieces of yarn in various weights. If you see it, please let me know. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Results! Growling! Dropping two bags of sugar! Et cetera!

The first thing is typically first: All of my biopsy stuff came back completely normal. Let’s not talk about any of that again, okay? Okay!

The second thing most often follows: Although Meredith is home sick from school today, I got really angry this morning and loaded her into the car for a cookie field trip. (My Belief: If you’re home sick, you really shouldn’t have to deal with someone else’s rage. Instead, there should be cookies and naps and television and rotini. Thus it is, and so it goes.)

And the third? I’m once again in the position where I need to drop ten (or fourteen) pounds. (I know! I’ve been all over the place with my weight this year.) Who’s in? Let’s drop ten (or fourteen) pounds together. Don’t worry. I lack the energy to make buttons or graphs. BUT if you’re in, I’m in. Starting tomorrow, because Thursdays are a great day for ACTION, I’m going to eliminate processed foods and start exercising more regularly. (Yesterday morning I ran for the first time since my 5K a few weeks back, and it went fairly well. Very encouraging.) (Yesterday afternoon I finished off a pounder bag of chocolate chips. This is unacceptable.) My jeans always tend to shrink during the holiday season. Right now, my jeans think it’s Christmas Eve. Something has to be done, and it has to be done before Halloween. Thursday! You’re either with me, or you’re against me. (I know that’s not necessarily true.)

Who else wants to start a fight club?

By the way, Meredith said the funniest thing today as we were having A Special Talk. BUT, I refuse to type it out here for fear of embarrassing her. It’s happening. Fluid Pudding is setting fire to its Mommy Blog name tag. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Amanda Plan A Canal Pandamonium!

Me: Okay. The music is getting louder. It’s time for us to have a conversation.

My sister: What is it?

Me: If everyone around us starts to dance, are you going to join them?

My sister: No. I’m not.

Me: Good. Because me neither. Do you see that lady over there? Have you ever done that before and actually meant it?

My sister: You mean raising the roof?!

Me: Yes. Raising the roof.

My sister: No.

Me: Good. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I danced with abandon.

My sister: Who is Amanda?

Me: I don’t know anyone named Amanda!

My sister: Is that why you can’t remember dancing with her?!

Me: I’ve never danced with Amanda! IT’S GETTING SO LOUD WE CAN’T EVEN HEAR EACH OTHER! WHAT IF WE GET SEPARATED?! SHOULD WE COME UP WITH A SAFE WORD?!

My sister: I AM NOT GOING TO TRY TO STICK ANYTHING INTO YOUR BUTT!!!

This morning I found myself at my annual gynecologist appointment. (I know! Nice segue with the butt thing, right? Kind of!) Because I let the cat out of the bag regarding the fact that I tend to cycle (heh) for two to three weeks at a time, she decided to take a uterine biopsy.

Me: Do I have to come back for that?

My doctor: Nope. It’s quick. I’ll just do it before I do your pap smear.

Me: Cool beans.

(My slang tends to reach back into the 80s when I’m at the gynecologist. (I spent a lot of time in stirrups back then, too.) Pants. Stirrup pants! HA HA HA!!! I also wore a lot of brooches and fake pearls, Molly Ringwald.)

My doctor, slightly opening the exam room door: Nancy? Can I get a little help in here?

Me: Wait. Why Nancy? Is this going to hurt?

My doctor: You’ll probably feel a little bit of “WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?” but by the time you get to THERE, I’ll be done.

Me: What the–

My doctor: When I count to three, I want you to give me a cough. One, two…

Me: COUGH COUGH COUGH WHATAREYOUDOINGDOWNTHERE COUGH COUGH COUGH!!!!!!

My doctor: All done. You’ll probably be cramping and bleeding for the rest of the day.

And I am, and I am.

Psst! My Acer now has an arm! I just might have a new sweater to wear to marching band competitions! (See how I left us on a happy note? Fluid Pudding is a roller coaster!)

(This is how it works: Pandemonium is spelled with an E. Amanda Plan A Canal is heavy on the A, so I went with Pandamonium. Do not look up the definition in Urban Dictionary. If you DO look it up, please know that all of my Bundt pans are being used in the way that they were originally intended. Yeesh.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

The Happiest 5K on the Planet

As you know (because I can’t stop droning), today was The Color Run. I started training to run a 5K in August of last year, which is when I somehow screwed up my left ankle. I was released from physical therapy in January, so I started training again. That’s when I scored three stress fractures in my left leg. I was released from my big robot boot in May, which was when I started training again. (Every time I type the word Training, I feel a little silly. The Olympic athletes train. I ate Doritos throughout my “training.”)

This is a small sample of the (probably more than) 15,000 people who arrived in St. Louis this morning all ready to run and get colored. The people in this photo haven’t even crossed the starting line. When Jeff took the photo, my sister and I were nearly finished with the race, which shows just how many people were jazzed about this thing. (So many portable toilets. I haven’t used a portable toilet in years, and I hope to never use another. If this means I can never live out my dream to attend Burning Man, so be it.)

Here we have Jen and myself during the first stretch of the 5K. (One thing you need to know about me is that I never know what to do with my hands. The Weakerthans sum it up perfectly. “How I don’t know what I should do with my hands when I talk to you. How you don’t know where you should look, so you look at my hands.” Anyway, I tend to rely on peace signs entirely too much. Sometimes, when I’m especially frazzled and hand-conscious, I accidentally flip off the photographer, who is just trying to take a photo of her daughters running together. Right hand? Peace. Left hand? Sorry, Mom.)

Question: Did you finish the race?

Answer: I did!

Fun Fact: My dad took that shot. (Do you smell how he got all up in your bokeh?) My mom and dad came out for the race, as did Jeff, Meredith, and Harper. My family tends to be pretty amazing like that. (Also, peace.)

Another Fun Fact: My student number at Mizzou was 506354. (I graduated two decades ago, yet I still remember. Never Forget.) I love that my race number was a simple hiccup away.

Question: Did you run the entire way?

Answer: No. Don’t look at me.

Question: What?! WHAT?!

Answer: I know. I was so bummed. I’ve been running on the track and slowly increasing my run times and everything was going great until about a week ago when I couldn’t run for more than five minutes. I’ve gone running three times since then, and I categorized each of the three as Failure. I’m not quite sure what’s happening, other than the fact that I’ve had a cold, and that I switched from track (cushioned and soft!) to pavement (not so soft!). Please know that I’ve cursed more this week about running than I’ve EVER cursed (about running).

Statement: But you finished! You did it! That’s all that matters!

Retort: You keep living in your world. As much as I’d like to live there, too, I’m going to stay over here, where I’ll continue to beat myself up a bit (just a bit) for not crystallizing my dream. Then I’ll eat a big baked potato at Cracker Barrel with a side order of baby carrots.

BUT, you’re right. I finished.

Twice.

We finished the race and then went looking for the family. We eventually saw them about 300 feet from the finish line on the other side of the street. They clearly missed us the first time around, because they were standing there with cameras ready, just waiting for us to run by. SO, we decided to sneak back into the race and give them the photo opportunities they were craving.

(I’m glad we did. That was my favorite photo from the morning.)

Question: I thought the point of The Color Run was to walk away all colored. Did you get colored?

Answer: I did. And despite the fact that I’ve showered, I’m still finding color in my nooks. And my crannies. Enjoy your dinner.

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If we had the chance to do it all again, tell me: Would we? Could we?!

You guys. Do you remember this?

It was Meredith’s first day of preschool back in 2006! We had no idea that she was nearly blind in one eye and couldn’t see out of the other. She had no idea that she had no idea about so many things! (She quickly got some ideas.)

Oh! And this!

It was Harper’s first day of preschool back in 2008! When I took her to school that day, she had never been away from me for more than two hours at a time! (She was still nursing six months before preschool began!) Sending her to school that day was terrifying for both of us. (Everyone told me she would be fine. For the first time EVER and the last time SINCE, everyone was right. EVERYONE was RIGHT!)

Look at this.

This photo captures the longest hug the girls have ever shared. I believe Harper had no idea she would be returning home from preschool that day.

Once again, today was the first day of school.

Harper is in the second grade, and ALL SECOND GRADERS GET TO WORK ON LAPTOPS!!! (She’s very excited about that.) Also, her teacher has fish! And he has the fairy books that she loves! And he plays music while they clean up!!!

Meredith is in the fourth grade, and her teacher has a book that was JUST recommended to her on Goodreads! And she made a new friend today who transferred over from a different elementary school in the district! And her hippo pencil holder barely holds any pencils so now it looks like she has pencils coming out of her butt! (Clarification: I’m talking about the hippo’s butt. I’m way beyond talking about Meredith’s butt at Fluid Pudding.)

Enjoy your afternoon. I’ll be sitting over here in the corner eating graham crackers with chocolate icing and singing Barbra Streisand tunes. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

But like a big red rose that’s made of paper, there isn’t any sweetness in your heart!

You know how it is. You go to Stitches Midwest and you squeeze a bunch of fiber and you rub a bunch of yarn on your neck and you eat a bunch of curry (and cheesecake) and then you spend the next few months thinking of nothing but spinning and knitting and curry (and cheesecake).

Tempe, my mom, and I have now made six summer yarn trips. (If you’re interested, a summary of my yearly purchases can be found here! You love that sort of thing, right?! Right-o!) Because two people asked, I shall now share what I loved (and purchased) this year.

This is Greenwood Fiberworks Polwarth Wool Roving. The colorway is “Paper Roses.” (I originally thought it was called Harper Roses, and that’s what took it off of the rack and put it into my hands. What kept it in my hands was the memory of being three years old and sitting on the couch at my grandparents’ house watching Marie Osmond on the television as my aunt drew huge faces on my belly with an ink pen.) It’s lovely.

This is Classic Elite Silky Alpaca Lace. It looks gray, but it’s actually a very subtle green. This yarn is available just about everywhere, but I couldn’t pass it up, because I also purchased this pattern, and I couldn’t go home without the appropriate yarn. (I was searching for subtle with a bit of shine and a bit of haze. Done.)

This is Sunday Knits Eden, which is a light worsted weight merino. It will be used to knit an It’s the Berries cardigan. (I tried on the sample sweater, and all of a sudden I felt harmony and understanding, sympathy and trust abounding, no more falsehoods or derisions, golding living dreams of visions, mystic crystal revelation, and the mind’s true liberation. It was the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.)

Finally, I went a little crazy at Lisa Souza’s booth. (I did the same thing last year, with no regrets.) This is a Silk/Merino top named “Iris Garden.”

This is a Merino/Tussah Silk/Bamboo top named “Salt Marsh.”

This is a Superfine Merino top named “South Pacific.” (I already have plans for this one. I want to spin it bulky.)

And this is a Merino/Baby Camel/Silk top named “Bayberry.”

I failed my practice run yesterday morning, and I failed it again yesterday evening. (I have a cold. I’m learning that I have absolutely zero patience/endurance when my nose is running. The failure makes me very nervous, because I’ve now fallen out of my schedule to complete the Ease into 5K plan before Saturday’s 5K. Urgh.) To make up for my disappointment, I took an hour to finish plying the merino/silk blend that I’ve had on my wheel for the past few weeks.

Ahhhhhhh. Much better. (Fiber is my Enya.) ((I wish I had a bumper sticker that says, “Fiber is my Enya.”)) (((Or a t-shirt. With Enya sitting at a spinning wheel. (Or Enya knitting.)))) Enya. Parentheses. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>