Category: Daily

I almost forgot to post today. So there you go. Let’s see.

I got up this morning at around 8:00 with the deepest pillow wrinkle my cheek has ever seen. (It is now nearly 7:00 in the evening, and the pillow wrinkle is still there. Please don’t tell me to drink more water. I know.) Um, I went on a cardigan hunt with my mom and ended up with something red with sort of a funky neckline, if I may use the word funky without sounding like a complete tool. I ate some pesto.

All of that is boring, but this I love: Last year I knitted a baby hat for Meredith’s kindergarten teacher, who was about to go on her maternity leave. She called this afternoon to tell me that the hat was lost today, and she was wondering if I would be able to make another. This is exactly why I knit. I am now working on replacing that little boy’s hat, and am doing it knowing that the mom loves the hat and the baby wears the hat. (This is rare in the world of knitted gifts! Am I right, Knitters?!) Excellent. (And because I am who I am, I’m going to throw in an extra hat in Christmas colors! It’s coming, People. And because it’s coming, I just spent nearly thirty minutes putting together my holiday Facebook profile photo. I’m an expert at the wasting of time.)

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Despite the girls’ weirdness with coughing and stomach ailments, the parent/teacher conferences went surprisingly well. In fact, both girls left the elementary school feeling ultra-confident and super-smart, and the moment we got into the car Meredith took the opportunity to judge MY performance.

Meredith: Mom, I think we should talk about YOUR report card. You’re sort of mean.

Harper: And immature.

Me: If you think *I’m* mean and immature, how do you feel about Daddy?

Harper: Well, we’re ALL a little IMMATURE. Even the cats.

Me: Wait. So, I’m the only mean one in the house?

Meredith: You just need to learn how to offer us more choices. Like if we’re fighting, instead of yelling at us, you should say, “Okay. Here are your choices. You can either keep fighting, or we can go out for ice cream.”

Today, because there is no school, Jeff is home from work, and I quietly confessed to being headache-free with the new glasses: Meredith is trudging around the house with a puke bowl, and a feverish Harper is still coughing as if she has taken up a fairly severe smoking habit. We’ve canceled all weekend plans and have decided to hunker down with a heavy dose of liquids, stomach-friendly foods, and couch time. (Meanwhile, Jeff is cleaning out the basement. Superman.)
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Today was an early dismissal day at school. As I type this post, Harper is on one couch with a sore throat and a cough. Meredith is on the other couch with a stomachache. I have canceled my plan to go to my book club this evening, and am currently trying my hardest to not be a bit bummed out. Hrm. I suppose if they’re going to get sick, I’d much rather they get sick now and not when we’re headed out to Disney World. AND, it’s the beginning of a three day weekend! The perfect time for illness! Whee! This is a GOOD thing.

I’m feeling a phantom buzzing sensation thing in my left thigh at the exact location where I carry my phone. SO, I keep grabbing for my phone, and no one is there. My phone is not vibrating. My leg is vibrating. It’s doing it right now, actually. Also, and I’m not going to say this very loudly, but: My headache, at this moment in time, is gone. The receptionist at my eye doctor’s office was quick to sing songs about how “90% of headaches are NOT caused by eye-related issues, but I’ll go ahead and set up an appointment.” During the appointment, after hearing me drone on about my head, the doctor (whose glass appears to be half-full) said, “Well, 10% of headaches are actually caused by eye-related issues!” Anyway. I haven’t yet started to knit a pair of socks for him, but I’m starting to feel the urge. 48 hours with the new glasses, and my almost eight week old headache feels like it’s gone. I doubt that’s a coincidence.

I haven’t had meat for nearly five months. However, if Jon Hamm were to show up and ask me to share a kielbasa tray with him? I’d grab the mustard (obviously) and dig right in. I wouldn’t share a kielbasa tray with just anyone, mind you. Jon Hamm is my current “Screw the vegetarianism, it’s time for Eastern European sausage!” guy. (Incidentally, he grew up less than ten miles away from where I live right now. My current local honey is his childhood local honey. (I’m not talking about Jeff. I’m talking about bees.))

I shall now drink hot tea and telepathically transfer the healing properties to my kids. Can I get a Lapsang Souchong?!
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Just so you know, this morning I took vinegar and a cotton ball to a pair of shoes that had grown moldy on the inside. I did NOT make a video of it. (You’re welcome.) I’m still a bit bewildered/disgusted by the whole idea of Mold in the Shoe, and when I tried to find information on the internet by searching for “Mold in my Dansko”, I discovered that I am the first person to ever be willing to discuss this problem publicly. Anyway, the vinegar sucked it up, and everything is back to normal.

Someone sent an e-mail asking about the brand of glasses I’m now wearing. Interestingly enough (to 3% of you, maybe), they’re Eco, also known as Earth Conscious Optics. The model number is 1030, and because they’re made of recyclable materials, I fully expect them to start decomposing on my face sometime in the next few months. Next year at this time, they’ll have reduced themselves to a monocle, and suddenly, top-hatted and with a wrinkled outer shell, I’ll invite you to come over and eat peanuts with me.

We’ve once again reached that time where the school asks parents to bring in food for the parent/teacher conferences. Last year I fell down and threw a pan of brownies across the parking lot. This year I took the easy way out: Two sausage/cheese plates and a box of Ritz crackers. (The local grocery store calls this particular combination “Nibbler Tray! Carb Diet Delight!” which is sort of embarrassing and sort of awesome depending on my mood.)

When I got home from delivering the food to the school, I quickly surveyed my refrigerator to see if we had anything else the teachers might be interested in. The newsletter was pretty specific: The teachers prefer items tailored to the Grab and Go style of eating. I quickly cleaned out the bottom shelf and labeled everything to appear as delightful as the Nibbler Tray.

“Meatballs from The Puddings’ Tuesday! Fifteen were made! Only six were eaten! Refresh your inner man!”

“These three sweet pickles are older than a certain kindergarten student named Harper! Gormandize!”

“This is part of a tater tot casserole, which actually seemed like a good idea at the time! Take sustenance!”

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By the way, make sure you go over here and play for laughs! You could win $100! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>